The Farnies

Poor Poor Blog

2012-01-26T12:15:00.002-07:00

My poor neglected blog. It's not that I don't love you anymore, but I have to confess that I am in another relationship with Facebook. I could tell you that I've been neglecting you because I've been so busy with the kids, which is true, and that someone has been sick on and off since Christmas. That's true, too. But, the real reason is that Facebook is where I turn to first when I have pictures or info to share with the world. Facebook only expects me to write a quick sentence or two, but you, my dear blog, require many sentences. And time.

Like Newt Gingrich I would ask you to be in an open relationship because Facebook doesn't care if I have other relationships. But I know that you require time, attention, cute backgrounds, uploaded pictures, and witty prose. I guess I'll let you decide, oh blog of mine, if posting once a month is enough to make you happy or not. Call me callous, but I can't promise you any more than that right now.

Please forgive me,
The writer of the blog

Merry Christmas 2011

2011-12-23T23:47:00.003-07:00

A Pirate Christmas

2011-12-21T17:35:00.002-07:00

Well, I'm not sure if the pirates have stolen Christmas or they're just in Christmas denial. My children were watching Jake and the Neverland Pirates on Disney and the episode was all about Winter Treasure Day. Now in case you're unfamiliar with Winter Treasure Day as I was, let me share with you what I discovered. Winter Treasure Day is celebrated some time in winter when there is plenty of snow. Presents are given to friends and loved ones while they enjoy a decorated Winter Treasure Day tree. Hmmm..what a novel idea.

So, I asked my two daughters what Winter Treasure Day is, and they both said (with an added tone of "Duh! Mom!"), "It's Christmas!" I wondered what other pirate holiday knowledge these girls had. "Why don't they just call it Christmas then?" The profound answer they gave (again with the "Duh! Mom!" tone), "Because they're pirates!" Oh, right. I forgot that pirates can't celebrate Christmas even in a cartoon. It's just not PC enough for those scurvy pirates.

You Too!

2011-12-16T17:59:00.003-07:00

Have you ever been at the concessions at the movie theater, and when the attendant tells you, "Enjoy the movie," you say, "You too!"? I've also done this at the airport. "Enjoy your flight." "You too." Then you realize two minutes later as you're already walking away that that didn't make any sense. It's that automatic response to "Take care", "Have a nice day", etc.

Today when my little two-year-old Forest was headed downstairs to play with his sisters, I told him, "Have a good time." And he yelled back, "You have a good time, too, Mama!". Adorable! And the best part is that he sincerely meant it. It wasn't an automatic "you too" but a sincere little child's thoughtfulness. I love that boy! I'm pretty sure I have the best kids on the planet.

Speaking of my amazing children, I can't believe how fast they're growing. Maija turns 7 in a month. Rebekah turns 5 in three weeks, and Forest turns 3 in three months. Kiira will be 18 months old on January 2nd and will start attending nursery at church. I'm a little nervous to take her to her well-child check-up because she isn't walking independently yet. I'm trying not to worry about it too much, but we'll see. She has taken a few steps on her own and cruises all over the place as long as she's holding on to something. Anyone ever had a late walker? Like 18 months old or older late?

Good But Not Too Good

2011-12-09T11:12:00.005-07:00

"That’s way too much earnestness for the ironic. It’s way too much idealism for the cynical. And it’s way too much selflessness for the self-absorbed."

I was reading an opinion piece here about why Tim Tebow's religiosity bothers so many people. I'm not one for getting in people's faces in general, and I'm not sure I would be so out there with my religion. However, I find it fascinating that Tebow's expressions of faith are considered controversial and cause such a visceral reaction.

It makes me think of a couple of friends of mine. One is an extremely generous person who is always thinking of others and doing kind things, usually anonymously. The other friend is very fun to be around and extremely quick-witted, but generally gives only to her closest friends and family. I don't want to judge my second friend too harshly, because I'm not sure that I'm any better than her in this regard. However, it happened that one day the generous friend had something that she decided to share anonymously with a woman whom she didn't know well but thought she needed cheering up. Our funny friend found out about this and angrily confronted my generous friend, "How could you give that to her?!? You barely know her. You always do this! Did you stop to think that maybe your good friends wanted that? You are so selfish!"

My generous friend was floored. She couldn't understand why she was accused of being selfish for doing something kind. She confided in me that not only were her feelings hurt, but she lost a lot of respect for our funny friend. I realized that our friend's reaction most likely was not about the actual thing my generous friend shared, but more of a reaction to her kindness in general. I think it made her feel guilty. I think my funny friend felt all of her flaws were being pointed out every time our generous friend did something generous.

I share this because I think that is part of the problem many have with Tim Tebow's expressions of his religious faith. It's a slap in the face to see someone actually striving to live their faith. It's the same reason that heroes in today's movies and TV shows always have major character flaws; nobody can really be entirely good. Everybody has skeletons in their closet. Everyone does bad things. Nobody can really live a life of high moral values. It's not realistic, and it's just downright offensive if somebody does it. At least, that seems to be the current view in our society. You can be good, but not too good.

Within the Mormon culture, I've seen this same pattern. Yes, you should keep the commandments, but don't be so obvious about it. Don't make me feel bad if I choose to do a few things wrong. You're the one who has the problem because you're just too good, or you're just trying to appear to be that good. I've met many a member of the church who believes that the only reason anyone would strive to keep all the commandments is to impress everyone else. What's interesting is how much these reactions reveal about the person having them. Which leads me back to Tim Tebow. The only reason his religiosity bothers people so much is because it reveals to them so much about themselves, and they don't like that.

Times and Seasons

2011-11-21T00:36:00.006-07:00

When my first child Maija was born and I was home with her pretty much full time, I felt like with this blessing of a beautiful baby girl also came a new kind of challenge I'd never experienced before. I felt like I would never have any freedom ever again and that my whole existence revolved around feedings and diaper changes. It's that fog that a mother goes through with every new baby, but with the first it's the scariest because you don't know yet that at some point you will get more than 2 hours of sleep at a time.

It was during this newborn fog that I complained to my mother about my feelings of isolation and lack of freedom. My mother said a very wise thing to me. She told me that there are times and seasons for everything and the day would come when my children would be older, and I'd have the time and freedom that I missed so much. That thought has gotten me through many a difficult day of crying children, constant messes, and unending diaper changes.

One of the things that I gave up in order to focus on having, adopting and raising babies was my career as a teacher and future professor. I was a PhD student in Education when Maija was born and after a year of struggling to continue the program (and after being told by one of my professors that I had no business having babies while I was getting a PhD...story for another day), I finally decided to quit the program. Although there were a lot of things that led me to quit, the primary reason was my desire to have children and raise them myself. Several friends and family members tried to convince me to continue, but once I prayed about it, I knew it was the right decision for me. Although it was a painful experience, it ended up being a blessing for our whole family. I know now that if I had stayed in the program we would never have had Rebekah because of the pressures to not have children while in school.

Have I ever regretted my decision? No. Have I given up on being an educator and getting my PhD someday? No. Because I know that there are times and seasons for everything. Now is my time to raise my four little children and focus on being a mother. The day will come when I will have the time and freedom to continue school if I so choose. And, interestingly I have been slowly and almost imperceptibly moving into a new season with my children now that my baby is almost 18 months and we have no plans for any more babies (see my previous post here for more on that.). For the first time in six years I am teaching again as a substitute teacher, and I'm loving it. I'm able to pick and choose when and how much I work, and I can still be home most of the time with the kids. I feel blessed to be a mother and blessed to be a teacher again. I can see now that my mother was exactly right. Nothing ever stays the same, and we don't have to be or do all things at once. As women, we can have it all, but it doesn't have to be all right now!!!

Subliminal Baby

2011-10-28T08:17:00.008-07:00

I had a truly frightening experience last night. I was visiting a friend who just gave birth to her third child a month ago. Her baby girl is absolutely beautiful. I was holding her (the baby, not the friend) and she looked in my eyes and smiled. That's when things got really scary. She started cooing at me, and I thought to myself, "I could do another baby."

What in the world? My baby is only 16 months old and is just barely walking and talking. I still have 2 kids in diapers and only one of my four children is in school all day. What kind of subliminal power did this baby have that caused such a crazy thought to enter my mind? Of course, I could never mention my scary experience to my husband; I'm pretty sure he would go catatonic. Please don't misunderstand me. I love my four babies, but I am so ready to get past the diapers, high chairs, bottles, urine, poop, and carseat phase. When we adopted Kiira, we both felt like our family was complete. And I think it is. Which is why my experience last night scared the crud out of me.

This reminds me of a study I read about years ago. Researchers found that when they showed women pictures of babies, their pupils dilated. However, they did not find the same reaction in men, although men's pupils did dilate when shown pictures of women. Go figure! I really do think that there is a biological reaction women have to babies. But, as sweet and beautiful as my friend's baby is, I was happy to have her smile and coo at me and then hand her back to her mommy.

8 Blissfull Years and Counting

2011-10-25T09:23:00.002-07:00

Okay maybe not everything has been bliss in the last eight years. We've had our share of trials and challenges (hello, 4 kids in 5 years!) but at least the marriage part has been pretty close to blissfull. I'm so grateful to have married the best man I know. I'm not just saying that for the blog. Kent really is an amazing man, father and husband. I lucked out. Here's to many more years of traveling life's road together and beyond.

Colorado - Families Supporting Adoption

2011-10-16T00:02:00.002-07:00

I am excited to be a guest blogger at the Colorado Families Supporting Adoption (FSA) blog. I'll be writing once a month. My first official post is about open adoption and the hesitation some people have about openness with their children's birth parents.

"To Be Open or Not To Be Open"

Why We Adopted Black Babies

2011-10-12T23:25:00.002-07:00

Any adoptive parent can tell you that adoption related questions are often the most intrusive, insensitive and outright rude. That's not to say that other parents haven't experienced the rude comment or two from an occasional stranger. But, with adoption for some reason people often think they have carte blanche to say or ask whatever the heck they want.

I've been asked more times than I can count if my two adopted children are my "real" children (I change their poopy diapers and rock them to sleep at night, so I REALLY am their mother), if they are siblings (they are now), how much did they cost (how much did your c-sections cost?), do my two biological children accept them (huh? as much as any siblings accept each other, whatever that means), but the most jarring question I've been asked repeatedly is why we adopted black children. To be clear, I've been asked that by both white and black people.

It is a loaded question. Sometimes it's loaded with accusations or mistrust. Sometimes it's loaded with curiosity or ignorance. Sometimes it's loaded with racism. The answer to that question is even trickier. We did not set out to adopt black children; we set out to adopt children. When the agency asked us what race of baby we wanted, we said, "It doesn't matter. We just want the child that is meant to be in our family." We filled out our homestudy paperwork, did our fingerprints and background checks, said lots of prayers and waited to be chosen by a birth mother. Why did our children's birth mothers pick a white family for their children to grow up in? As much as people may want a logical straightforward answer, the REAL answer is that God led us all to each other.

The first time our adoption agency talked to us about Forest, the strongest, warmest feeling flooded my heart and I knew he was meant to be our son. We had just said no to the agency the day before about a white baby boy, not because he was white, but because it didn't feel right. He wasn't our boy. Forest was our boy, and even though we both felt so strongly that he was meant to be with us, his birth mother didn't pick us. We were disappointed and confused. Three days later, she delivered Forest and chose us to be his parents. We both cried when we got the phone call and eleven hours after his birth we were holding him in the hospital.

Kiira's story was different but just as beautiful. Forest was only 9 months old when I began having very strong feelings that there was another baby meant to be in our family. I was terrified to tell Kent, and he pretty much thought I was insane at first. But, after several days, he came back to me and said he had prayed about it and that I should go ahead and contact the agency. Kiira was born nine months later and after 2 failed placements. Nine months later. That meant that when I had the impressions that there was another baby, she had just been conceived. Kiira's birth mother chose us 2 weeks before Kiira's birth and being with her and her/our baby in the hospital was a spiritual experience.

There is a plan that is greater than all of us. God works in all of our lives to bring us to where and with whom we need to be. We adopted black babies because Forest and Kiira were meant to be in our family and they are black. Their blackness has enriched our lives in ways we never could've anticipated, and more importantly the essence of who they are, their spirits, have completed our family. None of us would've been who we were meant to be without them, and they will become the people God plans for them to be because of our being together.

I think most people who ask why we adopted black children are looking for a race-based answer or at least a racial justification. The honest answer, however, is spiritual and more than just skin-deep.

Follow-up: Why Saudi Women Need Drivers

2011-10-03T19:51:00.003-07:00

I just read THIS article that the Saudi Arabian woman who was set to receive 10 lashings (see previous post) as punishment for driving has been released and the punishment rescinded. Good news.

Why Saudi Women Need Drivers

2011-09-28T15:28:00.002-07:00

It seems my interest in the Saudi Arabian justice system is becoming a repeated blog topic for me. As I mentioned in 2 previous posts here and here, I lived in Saudi Arabia two times so my interest is more than casual. My experiences living in the middle east and in other parts of the world give me perspective on many issues we deal with here in the United States, especially as they relate to our individual freedoms.

A couple of months ago I wrote about several brave Saudi women who were audacious enough to DRIVE!! The nerve! That's right. Women in Saudi Arabia are not allowed to drive, so they must either have male family members take them everywhere or hire personal drivers at several hundred dollars a month. No soccer moms there, maybe soccer drivers, but the point is that it is a really really bad idea to drive in the country if you're a woman unless you're willing to go to jail. That's exactly what happened to the women who decided to drive in protest.

Now one of the women, Shaima Jastaina, will receive 10 lashings by whip for driving without permission. One of the religious mufti who enforce religious law in the country said about the ban on women's driving, "It's for women's good.". Apparently it's to protect them from having too much freedom which would lead them to sin. I have to say if there's anything that has led me to sin, it hasn't been driving a car. Sometimes my car was my escape from a questionable situation. And now that I'm a mom, staying home in isolation with no means of escape would be much more likely to lead me to do something crazy than being able to get in my car and just drive. Although having a driver sounds swanky, I often find driving therapeutic, except for driving in Korea which is a story for another day.

The Saudi ban on female driving applies to foreign women, too. Yes, my mother had to use a driver who was shared with other foreign women at my dad's company. Imagine the scheduling nightmare, just saying. No impromptu trips to the store or last minute errands. My mother handled all of that pretty well considering she had 3 children and my dad was gone nearly half the time on business trips. Her attitude was that we were guests in the country and we had chosen to be there. True enough, but for Saudi women this is a way of life not a two- year stint in some exotic country.

If you'd like to read more about this wave of Saudi women taking to the streets, you can read this article from the Associated Press and this previous post on my blog Suffrage Saudi Style

Why I Still Feel Like I'm Faking It

2011-09-08T02:36:00.000-07:00

It all came out in a torrent of words, tears and emotions. It had been a tough couple of weeks with the kids and trying to keep up with everything. When my husband made a comment about doing the dishes so they don't sit overnight, I lost it. He wasn't suggesting that I do the dishes; he was offering to do them. But, to me it sounded like a very loud, "Can't you even keep up with the dishes?"

In the outburst that followed, I said something that keeps coming back to me. I was going on and on about the hard week I was having and how I spend most of my time and energy just keeping our four young children fed and alive. And then I blurted out, "I don't know what I'm doing! I don't know how to do this right.". After four babies in five years, I don't know what I'm doing? I don't know how to do this mothering thing? Really? What did I mean by saying that? I realized that somewhere inside of me I still feel like the new mom with a two-day-old baby who looks down on her child and thinks, "Is this for real? Am I supposed to know what to do with this child?". I still feel like an imposter. Like one day someone's going to see me for the fraud that I am and call me out, "Hey, you! What do you think you're doing pretending to be a mom?"

The irony of it is that amidst my daily mistakes and piles of things undone, my children actually think I know everything. My oldest, Maija, even asked me recently, "Mommy, do you know everything?". Wow, I'm pretty good at this faking it thing, at least in the eyes of my six-year-old. Unfortunately, I don't know everything nor can I do everything. I'm just hoping that when all is said and done, my children will look back and remember a happy childhood and will be blissfully unaware that I had no idea what I was doing.

When...

2011-08-18T21:29:00.002-07:00

A good friend of mine once said to me, "The scales are always balanced." We were talking about the difficulties of raising small children. She had a child starting junior high and on the other end of the spectrum her youngest was a year and a half old. Her point was that parenting older children has its own set of difficulties and challenges. No matter what your situation in life or what stage you're at, life will never be without challenges. The scales are always balanced.

How many times have I caught myself thinking, "When he starts walking then at least I won't have to carry him around anymore" or "When she goes to school all day, then life will be easier because I'll have one less child at home" or "When I'm married, life will be easier because I'll have someone to go through life with" or "When I have children then I won't feel such emptiness and life will be easier"? By the way, the latter thought is the funniest to me now. When, when, when... Why do we suppose that one day life will be easier or better? As if life now were so terrible.

I can logically tell myself that life will always have its ups and downs, but for some reason I perpetually have that when in the back of my head. Today was a rough day and my whens went something like this - "When she starts preschool next week then I can focus more on him and he'll be happier so he wont' act out so much, and then I'll be happier. When he is one year older then he'll be able to communicate better and won't get so frustrated." Of course, the underlying "..and then life will be easier" is implied. If only I could remember that the scales will always be balanced. One day when my little ones are teenagers I'll probably look back and wish that my biggest problems were diaper changes, dribbling sippy cups and defiant toddlers. But for now thoughts of when often get me through the hardest days, and I'm not sure I'm ready to give that up.

My Own Personal Downgrade

2011-08-03T14:42:00.002-07:00

As I have been telling my husband lately, I feel very overconnected. In fact if I were any more connected to the digital world, I'd have a neural implant in my brain that has 3G and wifi. Since I got my new iPad a month ago, it's almost ridiculous how much I use it. I'm not sure if it's been a blessing or more of a curse. Then there's my Blackberry which will buzz or ring in concert with my iPad when I get a new email or someone has posted something on my Facebook wall...or even if they've just posted something that remotely relates to me.

As if all this weren't enough, there's texting and now my parents and I have started Skyping now that they're in Finland. I can't deny how totally awesome it was to video chat with my parents and have my kids be able to see them. I even got to see part of their new apartment there. And being hyperconnected definitely came in handy on my recent trip to California driving between my aunt's house and my brother's house in different cities (see the only 2 pics I took below).

But there are some major drawbacks too. It's overwhelming to have so much information constantly at one's fingertips and the constant flow of communication... *ding* a new email, *ding* someone friended me on Facebook, *ding* there's an upgrade for one of my iPad apps, *ding* Kent texts me "Heading home" (my favorite ding of the day!). So... I have decided to downgrade my tech...a little. I'm going back to my old unsmartphone where I get those old fashioned things called phone calls and that's about it...ok, maybe some texting too. And I've been reluctantly turning off my iPad throughout the day so I can deal with the equally overwhelming input from the 4 little people in my life whose alerts are accompanied with cries instead of dings. Ah, the challenges of the 21st century life.

Photos: Drove to Capitola, CA in my brother's convertible Jaguar. Great vacation!

Keep It To Yourself

2011-07-28T00:13:00.000-07:00

Note: I need to make a few comments before posting this. I actually wrote this 6 months ago but never posted it because i thought maybe it was too harsh. But after hearing about other people's experiences recently, I thought it might be time to just put it out there. Although I'm writing about race issues, I think this applies to SO many other circumstances as well.

I have been avoiding blogging about racial discrimination and plain old ignorance that I've been experiencing lately vis-a-vis my children. But without being specific, because even I am not mean enough to out others who have been ignorant, I'm just going to give some advice to these unnamed people -- keep it to yourself!

If you think it's terrible that my husband and I adopted black children because we're robbing them of their culture, keep it to yourself. If you think that my children aren't my "real" children because they're not the same race as me and my husband, keep it to yourself. If you think that my children will suffer being in a white family, keep it to yourself. And please, please, please most of all, if you absolutely have to say something, say it to me and not to my children who are beginning to understand that the world is not always a friendly place.

I'm not asking for more civility. I'm asking for more silence. I'm asking for a little forethought before blurting out your opinion of my children and our family. I don't go around telling people that their children are cursed or robbed of their culture or not the right color or that they look like animals (yes, this was actually said to me!) In fact, I think we should all, myself included, try to only say nice things about each other's children and families. Because in the end, I know that my black children were meant to be mine just as much as my white children were. God planned it from the beginning, and He does not make mistakes. We humans do make lots of mistakes though, and I know that I'm not perfect by any measure. I think I'm just tired of defending what I know is a beautiful thing and meant to be.

Finally, if you're reading this because you're a friend of mine, and you're wondering if you've ever said anything to offend me, chances are that you haven't. In fact, almost every one of the comments listed above came from strangers or distant acquaintances. Most people have been loving and supportive and kind. Most of my loved ones and friends have given my children, all of my children, lots of hugs and kisses and acceptance. But unfortunately the negative comments often overshadow the good, so seriously people...just keep it to yourself!

For All You Austenites

2011-07-08T05:31:00.003-07:00

Yes, I'm blogging at 6:30am which means I'm actually up before 8am. Contain your shock! My father would be proud; he's always harassed me about my night owlish ways. But I digress. I had to share that one of my favorite books Austenland by Shannon Hale is being made into a movie. If you happen to love Jane Austen as I do, you must read Hale's modern take on an Austen-ish tale. Then when the movie comes out, go and see it!

Shannon Hale announced the movie production on her blog Squeetus and you can also read a more official announcement at The Hollywood Reporter. The screenplay is co-written by Shannon Hale and Jerusha Hess (of Napolean Dynamite fame) with Jerusha Hess directing. And Stephenie Meyer will be producing the film. Talk about Mormon girl power!

On a completely different note, we had our first tornado warning, sirens and all, in our new home. It wasn't our first tornado warning experience; our first was at Maija's kindergarten "graduation" (yes, that has to be in parenthesis because seriously...in kindergarten?) back in May. Her school went on lockdown twice within an hour and a half and there we all were crouched on the floor in an elementary school hallway. Yesterday, we were cleaning the house for my parents' arrival, when the neighborhood sirens went off. We woke the napping babies, grabbed the dog and our two older children and headed for the basement. The poor babies were so disoriented and scared. The worst part though was having no idea what was happening and not being experienced or prepared enough to even know how to find out what was happening. We will be buying a weather alert radio soon.

In the end, my parents' flight from Raleigh, North Carolina was diverted to Albuquerque and redirected back to Denver. They arrived so late that they went straight to their hotel. All that cleaning and they didn't even see the perfectly clean house. You know that within the next hour when my kids wake up, this house will be anything but clean. Sigh. But, at least, they get to see their grandparents today.

Suomi

2011-07-07T00:14:00.004-07:00

Tomorrow (actually today since I tend to blog in the middle of the night) my parents arrive for a visit. I'm excited for them to see our new life in Denver. We've been here for almost 3 months now, and I can't wait to share the things I love about Colorado. I'm also glad that I'll get a chance to see them because they are on their way to Utah to prepare for a mission to Finland.

My mother is from Finland and this will be her first time living there again after 47 years. She has visited several times, but now she's returning to her homeland, to Suomi (Finland), to live and I am so happy to see her come full circle. My mother grew up in a small Finnish town the youngest of two children in very humble circumstances. She told stories of living in a two room apartment which consisted of a kitchen and a second room divided by curtains into quasi-bedrooms. There was no indoor plumbing so she had to use an outhouse to answer nature's calls even in the dead of a Finnish winter. You know those stories that parents and grandparents tell of walking uphill both ways in horrible weather? Well, in my mother's case her stories aren't exaggerations used to humble her children. It's just how things were. As a teenager my mother converted to the Mormon church which later prompted her to move to the United States to attend BYU in Utah.

Fast forward 47 years and my mother's life couldn't be more different in mostly positive ways. That's not to say she wouldn't have had just as wonderful of a life in Finland as she does now, but this was her path and now that path is leading her back to her homeland. This will be my parents' third mission but I think this mission will be the most meaningful to my mother. I'm so proud of her for the woman she is, my Finnish mama. She has taught me how to face life's challenges and how to be an unconditionally loving mother to my own children.

Rakastan sinua Mom.

4th of July 2011

2011-07-05T00:49:00.002-07:00

After a difficult night - all 4 kids awake half the night (ugh!) - we finally left the house in the late afternoon for a holiday picnic by the lake. Here are some pics -

Click picture to see slideshow

Happy 1st Birthday Kiira

2011-07-03T08:46:00.003-07:00

My baby girl just turned one yesterday. I can't believe how fast it went and I have bittersweet feelings knowing that my last baby is almost not a baby anymore. Happy Birthday sweet Kiira!

We Are What We Eat?

2011-07-01T01:27:00.001-07:00

Occam's Razor as it's often referred to states that the simplest explanation is usually the right one. So what is more likely? That the increase in obesity in America is due to pollution or air conditioning ( Study Suggests 10 New Obesity Causes) or the fact that Americans are eating 570 calories a day more than they were 30 years ago (The American Diet Then and Now)? I'm no expert but seriously is it that hard to figure out?

After living overseas several times and losing weight each time (without dieting I might add), it is pretty obvious to me that we just eat more and are less active in the United States than other countries. We're all about conveniences (click here for a hilarious video). Of course my husband and his family are living exceptions to the you-are-what-you-eat principle. My husband eats pop tarts for breakfast, hot dogs and soda for lunch and pretty much whatever else he wants. He's right where he should be on the old weight chart. Hmph! Totally unfair!

No Need for Words

2011-06-28T02:51:00.006-07:00

Sometimes no words are needed to express how you feel. Check out Kiira in this video.

Look-alikes

2011-06-20T16:51:00.005-07:00

I've had people tell me before that Bekah looks like Suri Cruise (as in Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes's daughter) but I was taken aback today when I saw this picture of Suri and compared it to a picture of Bekah in a very similar dress. Crazy!

Suri Cruise

Bekah

Suffrage Saudi Style

2011-06-19T00:07:00.004-07:00

Having lived in Saudi Arabia as a young teenager and then again in my early twenties, I was immediately drawn to a news article "Defiant Saudi women get behind the wheel". I often forget what it's like there, even having lived in the country myself, until I read an article like this one.

When my family lived in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia in the early 1980s, many of the same laws and religious fatwas existed as they do today, but in general things were a bit more relaxed. As a western teenage girl, it was recommended that I wear the abaya (black robe covering my clothes) and veil, but I didn't always have to. We all knew that whether or not you wore an abaya depended entirely on where you were going and for how long. If you were going shopping in a street market, you'd better wear that abaya and head scarf if you didn't want to be harassed or even beaten; I was never threatened physically myself but I knew of women who had been. On the other hand, if you were going directly to a store with your parents for a quick trip, you could go without the head garb and possibly without the abaya. That is, if you didn't mind being glared at.

My family moved back to the United States in 1986, but they returned to Saudi Arabia in 1992 right after the Gulf War. When I moved there in early 1994, things had changed. There was a shift to the hard right which at the time I didn't understand. On September 11, 2001 of course I did. It was nothing short of a miracle that I was even able to get a visa to enter the country in 1994 as a 22 year old single woman. Although my father was working there, and his company arranged for my visa, a young single western woman was not usually granted entry especially for an extended time. I was thrilled to be able to return to Saudi. I had many happy memories of my time living there a decade before, and I longed to visit the places that meant so much to me: my old school, our house, the city of Riyadh. I missed Saudi Arabia.

As soon as I arrived, I asked my father if we could travel to Riyadh. My parents were then living in Dammam which is quite a distance from the capital city of Riyadh. My father was hesitant and explained to me how hard it would be for him to get permission for me to travel in the country as a single woman. He said he'd have to get special papers allowing me to travel between the two cities as well as documentation proving that I "wasn't a prostitute" as he put it. Even though I am his daughter, I wasn't allowed to share a hotel room with him, and I had to be completely covered the whole trip even during the 4 hour drive from Dammam to Riyadh in the middle of nowhere.

My father did arrange for me to travel with him on business to Riyadh, and I was able to visit my old haunts. I loved being back in that beautiful city. And, it truly is beautiful. I relived so many good memories in that short trip and was grateful for the chance to be there. But, there was also a sadness I had for the changes that had occurred politically. The sense of oppression was palpable to me although I couldn't understand at that time why things had changed so much in 10 years.

Today, however, reading about these brave women getting in their cars, albeit with their husbands as protection, and driving...driving!... something we take for granted every day of our lives...I felt hope that one day the Saudi people will enjoy greater freedom and peace.

The Boring Housewife

2011-06-14T08:10:00.002-07:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about some of the myths that exist in our society. For instance, I'm a Mormon so I must be naive, white, suburban and have little knowledge of the world. I'm overweight so I must be depressed, self-deprecating and hate my body. I'm a stay-at-home mother so my life must be dull, colorless, monotonous and boring. Movies tell me this; television tells me this; magazines tell me this. If I cared at all what society thought of me, I'd be an unhappy person indeed. But, reality never is as simple or stereotypical as movies portray it to be.

My life and I are much more complex than that. I'm a Mormon who grew up moving from country to country where most of my friends were decidedly not suburban, white or even American. Although my weight isn't what it once was, I'm a generally happy person and I can still see the beauty in me when I look in the mirror. And, let me just say now for the record that being a stay-at-home mother is anything but boring. Boring never happens to me. Sometimes I wish it would. My days are filled with glorious chaos and messes and children who say things like, "I'm a superhero princess and I'm saving my kingdom." Not boring.

It got me to thinking about how these myths came to be. I can't even count how many movies I've seen where the boring naive subservient housewife realizes how bored, naive and subservient she is and only finds fulfillment by leaving behind her overbearing husband and nagging children. It seems like we are ever faced with story after story of women whose lives aren't really meaningful until they break out of the confines of motherhood. Who makes these movies anyway? Women who have been stay-at-home mothers and have now "seen the light" that it was all a waste of time? Who are their subject matter experts? Is there some stay-at-home mom they've hired as a consultant to tell them how it really is? No, because most SAMs (stay-at-home mothers) are busy teaching, feeding, listening to, and taking care of their children. In other words, they're not sitting around bored.

I have to add here that I'm not saying being a mother is easy...at all. It is hard work, but that's my point. It's work, and it's filled with never ending surprises and chaos. So, whatever it is, it 'aint boring. For some reason I think it makes people (and I mean people who believe these myths) feel better to think that someone like me must be so miserable and unfulfilled. Or maybe they just have no idea how much is involved in taking care of little children who can't take care of themselves yet. A good friend of mine told me recently that her husband asked her, "Why don't you get a job? It's not like you're doing anything sitting here all day." I won't say the word that popped in my head when she told me he'd said that. But, it shows that he obviously has never spent 24 hours taking care of a 3 year-old boy and a newborn baby (who's nursing by the way.) I doubt my friend is doing much sitting around at all, and I'm pretty sure if you asked her to describe her life, "boring" wouldn't be the adjective she chooses.

So to all you fulfilled, self-actualized, educated, intelligent, talented, interesting, fun and busy housewives out there, just remember that even if they don't make a movie about your life, or your name isn't in lights, you don't make the big bucks or get an annual bonus, your work goes unappreciated, and you're misunderstood -- at least your life isn't boring! And there are little people who are growing up secure and loved knowing you are always there for them.

Mormon Culture Rant

2011-06-09T00:50:00.003-07:00

Time for a little Mormon culture moment. I was reading an article in LDS Living Magazine online about the "hanging out" that seems to be going on with young LDS singles. Instead of looking for marriage prospects by going on one-on-one dates, both single men and women are hanging out in groups. I could write quite a long post about the entire Mormon singles culture since I spent 14 years in that world myself. It is a quirky odd existence and yet fun and entertaining as well... to a point. I definitely saw a lot of the "hanging out" going on, but I also felt like I had my share of dates and serious relationships over the years. Of course, things have changed a lot in the last 8 years since I got married.

Back in the stone age (the early 90's) when I went to BYU for my undergrad there was one aspect of Mormon singlehood that seems to be universal - the non-committal predator looking for a one-night-stand. Now in LDS circles premarital sex is a definite no-no, so a Mormon one-night-stand is really more like a one-night-make-out session. At BYU we called it a NCMO (pronounced "nic-mo"). It was a non-committal-make-out, a NCMO. So I had to laugh when I read in this LDS Living article about a kind of hanging out they call "non-committal-hanging-out". So is that a "nic-ho" (NCHO)? As in "she's such a NCHO."

To quote Carrie Fisher's character in When Harry Met Sally - "Tell me I'll never have to be out there again."

Getting Settled

2011-06-03T21:49:00.006-07:00

Whew! Well, we made it through the month long hotel stay. We made it through the move into our new house. Finally, I'm getting a chance to decompress. Of course, there are still plenty of pictures to hang and boxes to open, but we've at least got the furniture in and clothes put away. It's amazing how much is involved with moving especially out of state. It makes me not want to move again for a long, long time.

Our new neighborhood is really nice. Not only is it a nice looking neighborhood, but the people are very nice. We've already met a bunch of our neighbors and have been invited to people's homes for dinner. The kids are making friends with kids at church and also on our street. It helps that the weather here is beautiful right now so everyone is spending lots of time outside including us. Our house has a great front porch, and it's so nice to sit out there and let the kids ride bikes. It really is beautiful here.

Although the climate and people here are great, I have been missing my life in Arizona so much. Truthfully, it's been pretty lonely in the house every day with the kids and not having the friends to call or meet up with. And it's also hard to be away from family when we've been spoiled for so long being close to them. I've done my share of moping but I keep reminding myself of all of the good things about this move. I love our new house. I love the weather. I love the rolling hills and grass. I love that Kent's commute to work is half of what is used to be. There are a lot of things to be happy about.

The kids seem to have grown up so much during this time. Forest has become a real talker. Kiira is crawling like crazy and will turn one in a month! Bekah's temper tantrums have become few and far between (happy day!) And Maija is growing up to be a sweet girl. She's an amazing person. Kent is loving his new job which is much less stressful than his previous job and he's really liking Colorado. We are excited to have a bunch of family come visit us soon. My parents and sister and her husband are all planning a visit in early July, and a few of Kent's family have been talking about coming up too. Can't wait!

Big City

2011-05-12T00:22:00.000-07:00

A couple of fun anecdotes from the Mile High City. We've been doing a lot of driving lately as I've been shuttling Maija to and from school in our new neighborhood. We don't actually live in the new neighborhood yet, hence all the road time, but we're hoping to be in our new house next week. I won't bore you with the details of how grueling it has been to drive across the city twice a day...I'm sure you can imagine how fun that is.

No matter how miserable the long drives might get, however, I always get a good laugh when Maija and Bekah see the city's skyline. They'll yell to each other, "Look! It's Big City!" Not the big city or a big city. Nope, it's "Big City" as if that were the city's name. Yeah, you know...Big City, Colorado. It makes me chuckle every time I hear it, and that's at least twice a day.

We are slowly getting accustomed to Big City. The first couple of weeks both Kent and I seemed to be having trouble with the elevation. I was especially surprised when Kent complained of dizzy spells the first few days, and then he said he was getting out of breath just climbing a flight of stairs. He's a pretty fit guy, so I knew something was up (no pun intended). I was also noticing how easily I got tired and out of breath. But, it seems that Big City hasn't gotten the best of us. We've both adjusted and now I'm pretty sure any exhaustion I experience is from living in a hotel with 4 children. That's exhausting regardless of the elevation.

Maija loves her new school (yay!). In fact, she told me she wants to go to this school until she's 13. Considering it only goes up to 5th grade, the only way to make that wish come true is for her to do really badly in school. I don't think I have to worry about that with her. She's my perfectionist child. One of the reasons she loves this school so much is that there are 3 Mayas in her class. They all spell their names differently but pronounce it the same "Maya" and are apparently referred to by their full names, first and last. It's pretty funny to hear kids yell "goodbye" to Maija as we leave the school.

Bekah is still wishing she were back at Mrs. J's preschool. I feel for her because she's had to watch Maija start in a new school, but next week is the last week of classes, so soon they'll both be together again all day long again...a l l d a y l o n g....all 5 of us. I think the altitude sickness is hitting me again.

So, that's the Big City scoop. And for you Arizonans...you'll enjoy hearing that today it was 40 degrees out (fahrenheit) and snowed a little bit.

Happy Mother's Day 2011

2011-05-07T22:07:00.001-07:00

This photo collage created with Smilebox

In The Rockies

2011-04-30T23:58:00.005-07:00

We've had a busy week, well a busy month really. On Monday evening we finally arrived in Denver. Although the drive was really long, I have to say that I was amazed at how well the kids (and dog) did. They were so good and either slept or entertained themselves almost the whole way up both on Sunday and Monday. There were only a couple of times when someone was crying which is pretty much a miracle considering all 4 kids are 6 years and under.

I think the biggest help was that we stopped about every 90 minutes or so because someone, including myself, undoubtedly had to go to the bathroom. By the second day I had a little "potty stop" routine down so that we could make the stops as quick as possible. Kent was driving the big U-Haul truck which was towing his little Honda. I think he ended up with the hardest part because he had the toughest driving...no cruise control and never getting over 60 mph. We thought that we would caravan up, but it ended up making more sense for me to speed ahead since I was stopping so much. In the end, he almost always caught up to us while we were stopped here or there.

So, now we're here and we've jumped feet first into getting settled. The morning after we arrived we were meeting with the mortgage guy to buy our new house up here, and then there was the home inspection, and getting Maija enrolled at school for her last few weeks of kindergarten. Then that evening Kent unloaded the U-Haul with a coworker, and I'd say all in all that day was exhausting!!! I was happy on Wednesday morning to not have anything to do. Our hotel room is a two-room suite so we have a family room area, a kitchen, and then 2 separate bedrooms. I wasn't sure how all 4 kids would do sharing a room, but it's worked out pretty well so far....for the most part :-) And we've also had our little dog, Remy, in the room with us. He's also done pretty well. As long as he gets his morning and evening walks every day, he's happy.

Thursday was Maija's first day at her new school where she'll also be attending 1st grade next year. it's located in the neighborhood where we're buying our house, so it's a good way to help her acclimate. I was really worried about how she would do. She loved, loved, loved her school in Arizona and her teacher! We miss you Mrs. Williams! But, so far this school has been great. They gave me and her a tour of the school and made her feel really comfortable. Then I was able to be with her as she met her new teacher and got settled in the classroom before the rest of the class showed up. It was so cute to see the kids come in, and they all surrounded Maija. I could hear exclamations, "The new kids is here!" "This is Maija, the new girl!" "Hi! My name is..." "Are you the new girl?" They all talked at once and Maija was enjoying the attention. When I picked her up at the end of the day, she told me that there are 2 other Mayas in her class and one of them has become her first friend. I'm so glad she's happy. It also helps knowing that she only has 3 weeks of school until summer break, so no matter how it goes, it'll be over soon.

So, have I bored you to death yet? There is so much to say. I was very grateful to my good friend, Sara Schumacher, who just moved up here from our neighborhood in Arizona a couple of months ago. She watched Bekah, Forest and Kiira while I took Maija to school her first day. I was even more impressed that she not only took my 3 kids when he has a 2 year-old and newborn of her own, but she took all FIVE of them to a Relief Society luncheon! That takes bravery; bravery that I don't think I would've had. But, it made my day so much easier, and just knowing that I have one friend here I can count on is so huge!

Tomorrow we will attend our new ward (church congregation). I'm sure there will be plenty of nice people and future friends, but I have to say that it'll be hard to beat our ward in Arizona. We still miss you all very much! I can't even begin to thank everyone who helped out leading up to the move - friends who watched our kids, brought us dinners, let me cry on the phone to them, helped pack up and clean our house, and friends who have already written or called to say they're thinking of us and are we ok? Leaving you and our families behind has been the hardest part of this move.

As for Colorado, I will say that it is gorgeous here and the people are very friendly and nice. Here are a few pictures of our new life here:

The Hotel Where We're Staying:

Our Hotel Room:

View from the Hotel:

The House We're Buying (should be moved in by end of May):

Another View of House:

Basement (Yay!):

Kitchen:

View of Entry (from Kitchen):

2011-04-25T06:17:00.001-07:00

We are driving to Colorado with 4 kids and dog in tow. We are almost living in Colorado now...by tonight it'll be official. More details to follow.

103

2011-04-12T23:44:00.004-07:00

Having a child with a 103 degree fever in the middle of a move is NOT my idea of fun! Bekah always seems to get high fevers when she's getting sick. Poor girl!

Deconstruction

2011-04-10T11:52:00.003-07:00

We are about the business of deconstructing our home and everyday life here in Arizona. This involves things like cancelling the pest control service, cable TV and internet, going through the stacks of papers that have been sitting in a drawer for the last year, and slowly making the rounds to say goodbye to friends and loved ones. Not to mention packing boxes, boxes and more boxes of stuff. This is a painful process and even though 3 weeks sounds like a fast move, it feels very slow. It's like slowly taking off a band-aid; you wonder if it wouldn't be better to just quickly rip it off and be done with it.

This week will be our last in this house. OK, typing that makes me tear up a bit. This is the first house Kent and I owned since we got married. It's the house we lived in when both of our sweet adopted babies came to our family. It's where Maija and Bekah started preschool and now (for Maija) elementary school. It's also where we've had amazing friends, a supportive church community and family within an hour's driving time. That is the hardest part of all.

The good part of this move is Kent's new job. He was hired by a solar company in Colorado called PrimeStar Solar. The job is one that Kent was very excited about and that had potential growth for him in the future. Now it's looking even more promising. On Friday, Kent found out that General Electric just acquired PrimeStar so Kent will now be a G.E. employee. You can read the press release here. This is also significant because Kent will be the 3rd generation in my family to work for General Electric. My grandfather worked for G.E.; my father worked for G.E. his entire 30-year career; and now my husband will be a G.E. guy. Who knows if this will be an entire career or just a few years? But either way, it is a crazy coincidence.

So...one more week to pack up this house then Kent will fly to Colorado next Sunday to start his new job. My mother and I will hang out here with the kids until Easter weekend so we can be a part of the family festivities. And then we'll be loading everyone up in the minivan and heading to the Rockies.

On a final note, I wanted to mention the online auction the Grafton family is having to raise money for their adoption. Be aware that some of the items can only be delivered in Connecticut (where the Graftons live), but there are some nice items that can be shipped and they're also taking straight donations.

http://graftonadoptionfundraising.blogspot.com/

We're Moving

2011-03-28T10:42:00.002-07:00

It's all official now! Kent has been in the interviewing and negotiating phase for several weeks, but it's all been worked out finally. We are moving to Denver, Colorado...just in time for the beautiful summer there and avoiding the hot summer here. But, it's also hard to leave the happy life we have here. We both have family here and great friends, and our kids love their schools. Plus all of the logistics of moving in general... it's overwhelming.

We'll be leaving Arizona in 3 1/2 weeks. There is a TON to do between now and then. If I think about it too much, my head feels like it's going to explode! So crazy! At least, staying in touch is easy with the internet. Love live blogging and Facebook!

Long Time No Blog

2011-03-26T23:37:00.005-07:00

It's been several weeks since I last blogged. There has been a lot going on in our lives including a trip to North Carolina to visit my parents. We had a very relaxing vacation and the kids loved running around outside every day. The weather was perfect, and my mother had bought the kids little bikes and trikes, so there was lots of riding back and forth on the long driveway. We also got to visit with Kiira's birth mom while in Raleigh.

Here is the month of March in pictures including some from Forest's birthday party:

Forest's Birthday Party

Forest Eating His Cupcake

Our Friends the Fennells Made a Surprise Visit

The Kids Got Hold of my Camera - Maija & Cousin Kennedy

In North Carolina:
My Boy!

Bekah Playing a Huge Chess Game

Laid Back

At the Marbles Kids' Museum in Raleigh

Kiira and Her Birth Mother

Forest Turns 2

2011-03-04T20:08:00.009-07:00

How can it be? Forest is already 2 years old and growing up more each day. Wednesday was his birthday and we did a little family celebration (see pics below). Tomorrow we're having his "big" birthday party. I'm so grateful that Forest is our little boy. We love you Forest Jackson!

Forest on his new trike.

"Oh my belly!"

Couple pictures of Bekah in her "Super Rebekah" t-shirt that Aunt Kimberly made for her:

Adorable!!!

2011-02-20T20:55:00.003-07:00

I just have to say...I'm pretty sure Kiira is the cutest baby on the planet...seriously. I'm not biased at all.

I Am The Queen of Paperwork

2011-02-17T00:38:00.003-07:00

Back when I first met Kent I thought I knew what it was to deal with paperwork and red tape. I was getting a PhD in education; I had to do a lot of writing and reading and I figured it would be the most paperwork intensive time of my life. Well, here are a few things I've done since then that involve way more paperwork:

1. Adoption:

I've posted previously about the adoption process, but there is almost no way to describe how much paperwork is involved. To start with there's the 40+ page homestudy document you're supposed to complete...just this can be overwhelming, and that's the beginning of the process. Then you have applications, letters of recommendation, forms, more forms, and even more forms and copies of other forms, but not just any copies, certified copies. Once you're ready for the placement of the baby, then you have paperwork for placement, then legal documents for finalizing the adoption, and on and on. After the adoption is finalized, then you have to get a social security number for the child, an amended birth certificate, etc. All in all, adoption is the #1 most paperwork-intensive thing I've ever done.

2. Welfare:

Anyone who has ever applied for state aid knows how much paperwork and documentation is involved. When Kent and I were both in school, we applied for various kinds of state assistance, and I remember joking with a friend that you had to have a PhD just to get through the application process. And once you have welfare, you have to reapply every 4-6 months. I'm grateful we had the help, but I'm just saying it was a LOT of red tape and paperwork.

3. Taxes:

Of course, we all get to deal with this one every year. Since I do a lot of the finances in our house, I get to do the taxes. The more money we've made, the more involved the taxes. Just finished this one for 2010, and I'm papered out.

4. Medical Bills & Insurance:

If you're like me and have had health problems, then you know how much red tape is involved in keeping track of medical bills, and possibly even more daunting, keeping track of insurance claims. I am a bit on the anal side on this and I track our medical claims every month or more often. I find AT LEAST one major processing error a month; consequently, I have saved our family hundreds of dollars by being on top of this. It also means lots of phone calls explaining that we should only be responsible for X amount of dollars because of X Y Z. I almost always prevail in having claims reprocessed because the insurance company is usually in the wrong. But, ugh! I get tired of this one.

5. My Kids' School:

OK, this isn't nearly as much paperwork as getting a PhD, but who knew that kindergarten involved so much red tape? It seems like almost every day there's another flyer or handout or worksheet that needs to filled out and returned. Most of it is fun stuff like volunteering to help with activities or field trip permission forms. But, it still surprises me sometimes how much paperwork my kindergartener brings home in a week. I guess it's all part of preparing them for the future...where there's plenty more paperwork awaiting them.

Cairo, Business Trips and Bad Dreams

2011-02-06T07:37:00.005-07:00

Doesn't it seem like the world is in a frenzy this last month or so? All of the protests and political upheaval in northern Africa and the Middle East, massive floods and a hurricane in Australia, blizzard after blizzard in much of the United States. The world is in commotion. I remember in the fall of 1999 when I moved to Seoul, Korea there was a similar string of crazy weather and political incidents. I think it's God's way of reminding us how small we really are and who's really in charge. We love to feel like we have control of everything, but one big earthquake or storm reminds us that "having control" is actually an illusion.

I'll have to keep that in mind in the next 2 weeks since Kent is leaving today for a business trip. He'll be gone most of this week and then he's going on another work trip the following week. Anyone who thinks they have control in their lives only has to spend a short time taking care of four small children to be reminded how little control they actually have. There's no controlling the accidents, the arguing, the diapers, the screaming, the whining, the stuffy noses or the general chaos that exists when you're outnumbered 4 to 1. Thankfully, my mother is coming next week, so I really only have to do one week on my own.

I think that all of this commotion both generally and personally are making me very aware of how little control I have in my life. I woke up this morning from probably the worst dream I've ever had. I dreamt that my oldest, Maija, had been kidnapped. It was terrifying, heart breaking, and I ended up thoroughly freaking out my husband who had to calm me down and remind me that Maija was peacefully sleeping in her room. After finally making that transition from nightmare to "Oh good. It was just a dream." I tiptoed into Maija's room. Watching my beautiful girl sleep gave me a moment's peace, and I realized that as long as I have these 5 people in my life, my family, I'll be able to weather the storms and the chaos just fine.

A Fish Called ?

2011-01-25T21:09:00.006-07:00

Yes, I really am blogging about my fish. I can't help it. I'm in awe of this fish. Last Christmas (2009) Kent's brother and sister-in-law gave us a fish tank and 2 bags full of goldfish. We weren't sure if we should be grateful or ticked off, but we set up the tank and dumped in all the fish after we thought we had acclimated them to the new water temperature. Let's just say that over the next couple of days, we were fishing out fish (pun intended) from the tank left and right. The kids were a little traumatized I think. After all was said and done, only ONE goldfish survived.

Fast forward one year and this sole surviving fish is going strong, and what's more the goldfish has gotten huge. I had no idea goldfish could get that big. When I was 10 years old I won a goldfish at a school fair. My mother kindly bought me a little fish bowl where I put Goldie Hawn, yes that was her name, and she lived to a ripe old age of 2 weeks. I thought that happened to all goldfish...which I suppose I was partly right about. I mean, we did lose 19 fish in a matter of days last year. But, my point is that this fish, who remains nameless, is one hardy goldfish and I've grown oddly fond of him/her. Kent even calls him (I think it's a boy. I don't know why.) "your fish", as if I were the one who went out and bought a fish tank and 20 goldfish one day.

So, does anyone have suggestions for a name?

MLK's Dream

2011-01-18T11:52:00.005-07:00

Last night our family had a little celebration of Martin Luther King Jr.'s life and all he did for Americans of color, and consequently for all Americans. Because our children are so young, we decided to read them a children's book about King's life entitled "Martin's Big Words" by Doreen Rappaport and Bryan Collier. It is beautifully illustrated and so perfect for small children mixing the story of his life with many of his own words.

As soon as I opened my mouth to start our lesson, I started crying, and I cried throughout; Kent had to read the book to the children because I was too emotional. How can I put into words how much the Civil Rights Movement has affected me personally and our family? How can I not shed tears thinking of my children being treated as unworthy and less-than? How do I explain to my little ones that the pure love they have for each other is so uncommon and unknown in much of the world? Maija said it best, "Mommy, thinking of this makes my heart sad. I don't think skin matters except to hold in the insides of our bodies." Couldn't have put it better myself.

Even Kent shed a few tears when he read the following while reading Martin Luther King's own words:

"I have a dream that one day ... little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers."

At least that part of his dream has been fulfilled in a very real way right here in the walls of our home. If only we could all see each other's insides (metaphorically speaking) and be able to love one another truly as brothers and sisters. If only we could see men's hearts as our savior, Jesus Christ, does and truly judge not "by the color of their skin but by the content of their character."

Holiday Favorites

2011-01-03T23:32:00.005-07:00

Whew! We made it through another holiday season. It was a good one, and we were busy with family events and getting over colds, passing it on to my parents visiting from North Carolina. Sorry, Mom and Dad. The kids received way too many presents, but we were happy to see the older ones begin to understand the true meaning of Christmas by doing service for others.

I've posted some of my favorite pictures from Christmas and a few of my favorite quotes from my children.

Maija talking to Bekah in the car: I don't know how Jesus created so many people. I mean, there's like hundreds of galaxies out there.

Maija singing one of her made-up songs to herself: And his name was Jesus Christ. Cha cha cha!
(I don't think I've ever heard "cha, cha, cha" following the Savior's name before).

Bekah who would not go to bed and insisted on sleeping on our bedroom floor: Guys! I'm trying to go to sleep! Can you guys just go to bed!

Some important firsts:

Kiira sleeping through the night! Yahoo!
Forest saying his first prayer (with help)
Kiira starting to eat solids
Forest climbing out of his crib

And now the pictures:

More Pictures - Family Photos

2010-12-14T00:06:00.003-07:00

We just had some family photos taken by our friend Kelsey.

Click on photo to start slideshow

Trimming the Tree

2010-12-11T01:11:00.003-07:00

I love some of these pictures from our family tree decorating party.

Click on picture to begin slideshow

What Qualifies as Rich?

2010-12-06T00:50:00.003-07:00

With all of America's financial woes lately, I've been thinking a lot about how easy it is to take for granted what you have. So many people have lost jobs (and are still looking), homes, cars and life seems much harder than it used to be. But, what is poverty or wealth for that matter? The United States for the last half-century or more has been the wealthiest nation in the world, so I always have trouble with discussions of America's poverty, especially since I've seen poverty in other countries beyond anything imaginable here.

As I stumbled upon this article tonight, The New Rich: How Much Does It Take?", I thought again about what true wealth or true poverty really is. Growing up I saw extravagant wealth in places like Saudi Arabia where some people literally live in palaces. I also saw in Indonesia, Thailand, Africa, China and several other places, poverty like nothing seen here in the U.S.A. I remember one trip to Indonesia seeing entire neighborhoods filled with shacks that literally had only 3 walls. The open would-be 4th wall faced the dirt road where traffic rushed by and children played with empty coke bottles and trash. It was shocking then and still is to me now.

So, when I read in this article that having a million dollars really means you're middle class, and that in some parts of the country you can't even buy a home with a million dollars, all I can think about is that we're not so bad off after all. In America being poor means you only have 1 car and you can't buy name-brand clothes, but let's face it, that's not poverty in a life-threatening sense. That's just inconvenient.

I submit that true poverty has less to do with money and more to do with quality of life, happiness and personal peace. There have been times when my husband and I were poor by almost every American measure (although in other countries we would've been considered middle class) but I never felt deprived because we had peace and happiness with each other and our children. Our priority was not on having a lot of things, but on having a happy family. Now that we are more established, I don't feel any richer than before. We are just as "rich" now as we were back then. We love each other, love our children and love God.

So, while the world concerns itself with just how much it takes to be rich, I can't help but feeling like they're missing the point entirely. You can have billions of dollars, everything your heart desires, and still be miserable and alone. In contrast, you can have no material things to speak of but be entirely at peace and happy if you have what really matters...those things that DO go with you after this life: family, friendship, love, faith, knowledge and peace of conscience.

Here's my definition of wealth:

Healthy

2010-11-29T11:58:00.002-07:00

After over 3 months of health problems including surgery, I am finally feeling like myself again...for the most part :-) The main thing is that I don't wake up in pain or feeling like it's going to take every ounce of my energy just to get out of bed and feed whichever baby is crying at that moment. I am healthy again!

When I think about all that has happened in the last couple of years, it is overwhelming. It's no wonder my body rebelled and broke down. Here are all the changes that we've experienced in the last 2 years:

Kent got a new job - (OCT 2008)
I got called as RS president and Kent as assistant ward clerk (the exact callings we had in our previous ward BTW) - (OCT 2008)
We bought and moved into our first home - (NOV 2008)
We started the adoption process - (NOV 2008)
Kent finished his masters thesis and graduated - (DEC 2008)
Forest was born and became a part of our family - (MAR 2009)
Both sets of grandparents (Kent's side and mine) left for missions overseas - (MAY 2009)
We finalized Forest's adoption and were sealed to him - (NOV 2009)
Found out Forest's birthmom was pregnant again and started the adoption process again - (DEC 2009)
I was released as RS president - (FEB 2010)
Forest's birthmom disappeared (and probably kept the baby) - (FEB 2010)
We were matched with a new birthmom due in May - (APR 2010)
At the end of May she changed her mind and decided to parent her baby - (MAY 2010)
My parents came home from their mission - (JUN 2010)
My sister got married - (JUN 2010)
We were matched to Kiira's birthmom - (JUN 2010)
2 weeks later Kiira was born almost 4 weeks early...surprise!!! - (JUL 2010)
Kiira became a part of our family - (JUL 2010)
We finalized Kiira's adoption and were sealed to her - (SEP 2010)
....and the rest is history....

I'm just saying that one can only run as fast as one has strength. I had been running a crazy marathon, and when I hit the finish line (adopting Kiira), my body just gave out.

But I came to appreciate so many things during my "down" time - the kindness of friends and family, my 4 beautiful children, my amazing husband who took over with the kids without complaint, and just a general appreciation of being able to do the simple things. I am a blessed woman. And I am so grateful to be back to myself again ready to face the next marathon or whirlwind or drama or whatever may come...

Railroad Park

2010-11-17T21:02:00.003-07:00

Finally, finally I have started feeling stronger and more like my old self. I was so overjoyed about my progress that I decided our family should spend the day at a railroad park in Scottsdale on Veterans Day. We found the McCormick Stillman Railroad Park after an online search because for some reason we wanted the kids to take a train ride.

The park turned out to be a lot of fun and great deal (read "cheap"). For anyone living in the area, I highly recommend it for families with little kids. The park is free and you only pay for the train rides and the carrousel which run from $1 to $2 per person. And even the concessions were pretty cheap considering it's the only food option at the park unless you bring your own.

The park also has 2 playgrounds and a large grassy area to hang out on, a museum and even on a holiday was not overcrowded. So, what I'm saying is... even though walking around all day ended up being a little hard on this recovery body of mine, it was well worth it. Our family had a great time.

Family Home Evening

2010-11-08T00:58:00.005-07:00

OK, all you Mormons reading this, you can skip this first paragraph wherein I will describe what Family Home Evening is. Every Monday night families in our church are encouraged to hold a family night or Family Home Evening. This usually means that Monday night is off limits to any other activities since everyone in the family gathers for singing, a short lesson or thought, and then the fun stuff - games and treats.

At our house Family Home Evening up to now has pretty much gone like this - either Kent or I will plan the lesson a few minutes before we start unless Maija has decided that she MUST do the lesson. If Maija does the lesson, we get a nice presentation on how great Jesus is and then how to read our letters, or some other mix of topics. It's quite entertaining. Then Bekah always wants to be in charge of treats and games. This worked for us since our children are so little, but I've been wanting a way to rotate who does what without spending a lot of money on something like --> this or --> this

Last Monday Kent and I finally took a little extra time to find whatever we happened to have around the house, and we put together our own little Family Home Evening craft with the kids. It's definitely nowhere near as nice as something you'd buy in a store or online, but it means a lot more to us because we all made it together.

(Note: You'll notice in the picture that Maija has the lesson for this coming Monday. Lol.)

The Best of Halloween

2010-11-03T23:12:00.004-07:00

Birth Mothers

2010-10-25T06:05:00.003-07:00

I've been thinking so much lately of Kiira's birth mother, who I've been calling Sh on this blog to protect her privacy. Sh is a somewhat shy person, so I haven't wanted to embarrass her or anything. But I have to write about what a wonderful person she is and how she's become a part of our lives.

Many adoptive couples are nervous about open adoption, and some birth mothers are too. Forest's birth mother, for instance, didn't want to meet us until after she was discharged from the hospital which was a few days after Forest's birth. We met at a restaurant, and we were able to take pictures of her with Forest and with his birth sister who is 2 years older than him. That's the first and last time we ever saw her. We have written letters and sent pictures through the adoption agency, but she has since lost contact with the agency. We hope one day she will contact them again and get back in touch. Even though she has gone her own way, we still have a special place in our hearts for her because she gave our son life and also his talents, his good looks, his calm sweet demeanor, and his heritage.

With Kiira's birth mother, it has been very different. We have an open relationship with her which has been a real blessing for our whole family. Sh and I talk on the phone and more recently have gotten in touch online, so we're sending messages back and forth. She also visits this blog and we send pictures and letters in the mail. I would say that our relationship with Sh is one of the most important in our lives; she has become family. We have a special bond because she and I are both Kiira's mothers. Sh is the mother who gave Kiira life and all of her beauty, talents, and her amazing smile. I am the mother who will raise Kiira up, along with my husband, to become the young woman God plans for her to be.

I realize that every adoption situation is unique, and it's not always possible to have an open adoption. And, often there are legitimate concerns on both sides. But I am so grateful that we have been able to have an open relationship with Sh.

We love you, Miss Sh!

The Other Side

2010-10-22T00:04:00.005-07:00

In the last 2 months that I've been sick and the last 2 weeks recovering from surgery, I've had plenty of time to throw some pitty parties. Poor me with 4 children 5 years old and younger and not able to care for them, and feeling miserable, and why couldn't I have been a mom earlier so I would be younger and strong? And...and...and...

Then in the last couple of days several of my friends have had awful things happen - major injuries to their children, husbands losing jobs, and suddenly it hit me that the grass really isn't greener on the other side. In fact, Elder Mervyn B. Arnold just said that earlier this month in LDS General Conference (where leaders from our church speak to us every 6 months) -

"The grass is never greener on the other side of the fence—nor will it ever be."

Of course, he was referring to sin, but I think it's true even when contemplating one's own challenges in life. It's sometimes hard to remember that the grass is not greener somewhere else or in some other version of one's life. This version of my life is the best version. My children are healthy, sweet and wonderful. Because of modern medicine I will be healed from my illnesses. I'm actually married (which I wanted for so long) and have the family I always dreamt of. And, by the way, my husband is kind, loving, supportive, and helps with the kids, the laundry, the dishes, and makes dinners. Shall I go on? Yes, this version of my life is where the grass is the greenest and right where I'm supposed to be.

Recovery

2010-10-17T13:57:00.003-07:00

It's been 6 days since I had hernia repair surgery, and it's been a LONG six days. I can move around a little, but getting up and getting down is pretty painful so I spend most of my time sitting around. I've watched lots of Stargate, read a book, created a Shutterfly calendar for next year, ordered way too many things off the internet, and taken plenty of pain pills. If I didn't have 4 children, I might actually be enjoying this time to rest, but it's almost like torture watching others take care of my children and not be able to do it myself, especially my baby Kiira.

I can hold Kiira and feed her, but I can't get up when she's crying and change her diaper, make her bottle, etc. She has to be brought to me, and it makes me feel guilty and frustrated that I can't take care of her like I normally do. Of course, it hasn't even been a week yet, and I can tell that within another week or so I'll be back on my feet for the most part.

I don't know the details of what they did in the surgery (I see my doctor Tuesday so I should find out then) but they basically cut along two-thirds of my c-section scar, so I feel like I've had a c-section. The nurse in recovery told me they put some mesh inside to keep the intestines in their place. Because the incision is on my c-section scar, it's a bit like I had a baby, except that the baby is 3 months old and weighs 12 pounds, and she smiles already.

The jury's still out on how my recovery will go overall. I'm so grateful to have my mother here and that my husband has been home a lot helping. And my friends and women in the ward have been amazing to bring dinners and take the kids to play. I feel very lucky to have so many good friends and family.

P.S. I have to add a funny quote I overheard:

Bekah telling Maija: I pooped in my panties. Naughty panties!!!

Surgery

2010-10-07T20:31:00.002-07:00

On Monday I'll be having hernia repair surgery. I've been hearing all kinds of recovery horror stories and frankly I don't buy it. One person told me it's like recovering from a bad c-section; this person has never had a c-section mind you. I've also heard that I won't be able to lift any of my children for several months. All I have to say is... yeah, right.

Here's why I am skeptical. This will be my sixth surgery in the 7 years I've been married. My mother jokes that I must be allergic to my husband, but I think it's more like an allergy to childbearing since most of my issues have been related in one way or another to having children. I had an ovarian cyst and endometriosis removed, then my appendix removed while I was pregnant with my first child, then an emergency c-section to deliver her, another c-section 2 years later for my second daughter, and 2 months after delivering her I had my gallbladder removed (apparently it's common for pregnancy to cause gallstones.) So, I'm just saying...one outpatient hernia repair surgery doth not scare me. I may eat my words, but for now I'll choose to believe that all will be well.

By the way, this hernia is in my c-section scar, so technically you can even trace this one back to childbearing.

Kiira - Sealed & Blessed

2010-10-03T18:56:00.004-07:00

It's taken me 2 weeks to get this posted, but everything has taken me a little longer lately. I've been having some health problems which means that it's pretty much all I can handle just taking care of my kids from day to day. The women in my ward (church congregation) have been amazing helping out with the kids and bringing dinners. And weekends are always easier with Kent home.

So, on Saturday, Sept. 18th we went to the Mesa Temple as a family and were sealed to Kiira. It was a very special day. I can't describe how amazing it is to see your children all dressed in white and knowing that we are a forever family now. The next morning Kiira was blessed at church. It was a beautiful blessing Kent gave her, and we were grateful to have my parents and my aunt and uncle in town and to have good friends join us.

Kiira's Sealing Day:

Click on picture to Start Slideshow

Kiira's Blessing Dress:

Kiira Portraits

2010-09-23T22:00:00.004-07:00

Click on picture to start slideshow:

O Scorpion, Where Is Thy Sting?

2010-09-22T21:52:00.003-07:00

One of my biggest fears was realized tonight. My child was stung by a scorpion. It was actually my oldest, Maija, who suddenly began screaming and howling like I've never heard her before. I was on the phone with my sister and told her something was wrong and I had to go. When I walked into the playroom, there was my husband smashing a scorpion, and Maija screaming and crying and completely freaking out.

My first thought was to watch her and make sure she didn't have an adverse reaction. I had heard the stories of my brother-in-law getting stung as a kid and going into seizures. Although I had also heard of several other in-laws getting stung and being fine. Luckily, Maija was fine other than a really sore arm and lots of tears. She laid in her bed for over an hour getting over the sting, but probably even more so the shock of having been stung by a scorpion. See, it's one of Maija's biggest fears too. I guess now that it's actually happened, we're over the irrational fears. Although, I'm going to be a LOT more alert watching for scorpions. Ugh!

First Smiles

2010-09-15T21:46:00.004-07:00

Kiira has become the smiliest baby. She will just smile and smile. It just makes all those sleepless nights SO worth it.

Kiira's Adoption Finalized!

2010-09-13T20:39:00.005-07:00

I can't even express the sense of relief and completeness you feel once you've heard the judge declare that your child is officially yours in the eyes of the law.

Today we drove down to Florence, Arizona for Kiira's adoption hearing. The judge, Stephen F. McCarville, was very friendly and got the kids involved; he asked them to come up to his podium and gave them candy. He asked us if we were prepared to be Kiira's mother and father - YES! Then he officially declared that we are Kiira's father and mother in the eyes of the court and by law. It was the best feeling walking out of the courthouse knowing that we are blessed to be this sweet little girl's parents in every sense.

Of course, we had to take a picture.
(Click on pic to see larger)

You Know You're a TCK When...

2010-09-10T22:03:00.003-07:00

A good friend I knew in high school in Hong Kong sent this to me. All I can say is, that after reading the list, I am definitely a TCK, Third Culture Kid.

http://www.tckid.com/group/you-know-youre-a-tck-when/

You know you’re a TCK when…

- You’ve heard this ‘textbook’ definition of a TCK before: “A third culture kid is a person who has spent a significant part of his or her developmental years outside their parents’ culture. The third culture kid builds relationships to all the cultures, while not having full ownership in any. Although elements from each culture are assimilated into the third culture kid’s life experience, the sense of belonging is in relationship to others of the same background, other TCKs.”

- “Where are you from?” has more than one reasonable answer.
- You’ve said that you’re from foreign country X, and your audience has asked you which US state X is in.
- You flew before you could walk.
- You speak two languages, but can’t spell in either.
- You feel odd being in the ethnic majority.
- You have three passports.
- You have a passport but no driver’s license.
- You go into culture shock upon returning to your “home” country.
- Your life story uses the phrase “Then we moved to…” three (or four, or five…) times.
- You wince when people mispronounce foreign words.
- You don’t know whether to write the date as day/month/year, month/day/year, or some variation thereof.
- The best word for something is the word you learned first, regardless of the language.
- You get confused because US money isn’t colour-coded.
- You think VISA is a document that’s stamped in your passport, not a plastic card you carry in your wallet.
- You own personal appliances with 3 types of plugs, know the difference between 110 and 220 volts, 50 and 60 cycle current, and realize that a trasnsformer isn’t always enough to make your appliances work.
- You fried a number of appliances during the learning process.
- You think the Pledge of Allegiance might possibly begin with “Four-score and seven years ago….”
- Half of your phone calls are unintelligible to those around you.
- You believe vehemently that football is played with a round, spotted ball.
- You consider a city 500 miles away “very close.”
- You get homesick reading National Geographic.
- You cruise the Internet looking for fonts that can support foreign alphabets.
- You think in the metric system and Celsius.
- You may have learned to think in feet and miles as well, after a few years of living (and driving) in the US. (But not Fahrenheit. You will *never* learn to think in Fahrenheit).
- You haggle with the checkout clerk for a lower price.
- Your minor is a foreign language you already speak.
- When asked a question in a certain language, you’ve absentmindedly respond in a different one.
- You miss the subtitles when you see the latest movie.
- You’ve gotten out of school because of monsoons, bomb threats, and/or popular demonstrations.
- You speak with authority on the subject of airline travel.
- You have frequent flyer accounts on multiple airlines.
- You constantly want to use said frequent flyer accounts to travel to new places.
- You know how to pack.
- You have the urge to move to a new country every couple of years.
- The thought of sending your [...] kids to public school scares you, while the thought of letting them fly alone doesn’t at all.
- You think that high school reunions are all but impossible.
- You have friends from 29 different countries.
- You sort your friends by continent.
- You have a time zone map next to your telephone.
- You realize what a small world it is, after all.

1st School Picture

2010-09-09T01:09:00.004-07:00

Maija's school picture arrived today, and I had to post it. It reminds me so much of the many school pictures I had taken through the years. Very few of them turned out good, but they're all still floating around somewhere in a box (or several boxes).

We're getting excited to finalize Kiira's adoption this coming Monday. Then next weekend we will be sealed to her in the LDS Mesa Temple and have her blessed at church on Sunday. Big week! Now if I could only get over a series of bizarre illnesses (kidney infection, bronchitis, costochondritis, hernia) I've had in the last 2 weeks, everything will be perfect :-)

Piece O' Steel

2010-09-05T22:14:00.010-07:00

Kent and I have been watching Tyler Perry movies lately: Diary of a Mad Black Woman, Meet the Browns, The Family That Preys, Madea Goes to Jail (actually next on our list). For anyone who hasn't heard of Tyler Perry, which is most of white America, you can read about him here and here. He's a Christian filmmaker who uses his culture, African American culture, as a backdrop for important messages of hope and faith. And he also uses humor in the form of Madea, the gun-toting, Bible quoting, grandmother figure who is always there to help the down-and-out.

Here are some of my favorite Madea quotes:

Myrtle quoting the Bible: "Peace be still." That's what he said.
Madea: Well, peace always comes with still... [takes out gun] ... 'cause I keeps me a piece o' steel.

Madea: I remember this dude made me so mad, I didn't even know how mad I was until I went to his funeral.
Helen: Why were you so mad at him?
Madea: Because he hit me. Yes he hit me... and I didn't even know how mad I was until I saw him in his casket, he's 8 feet under.
Myrtle: 6 feet, that's how they bury people, Madea, 6 feet under.
Madea: That's what I'm trying to say, I thought I was over what he did to me until I saw him at the funeral, I was so mad I BEAT HIM DOWN 2 more feet.

Eye For An Eye

2010-08-28T10:04:00.002-07:00

Having lived in Saudi Arabia twice, I learned from firsthand experience the cultural differences that exist between the "western" world and the Middle East. Americans have a very hard time understanding why Muslims do things the way they do and how an extremist movement like Al Qaeda could have emerged from that culture. For me, it's not a mystery at all. There is one main difference between our two cultures that is so fundamental that it's almost taken for granted - Christianity and the New Testament.

The ideas of social justice, kindness to your enemies, and forgiveness are "western" ideals for one main reason; our society is based on Christian teachings. It was Jesus Christ of the New Testament who turned mosaic law on its ear when he preached:

Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy.

But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;

- Matthew 5:43-44

I personally experienced great kindness and generosity from Saudi friends and other Muslim friends I have. I know of their capacity for kindness and hospitality. I also have to add how beautiful that part of the world is; Saudi Arabia, Bahrain, United Arab Emirates, Oman. There is much good that exists in the culture. You literally can leave your car running with the door open, and it will still be there when you get back. If you drop your wallet, it will most likely be there on the ground when you go to look for it. Why? Because the punishment for theft is having your hand cut off. Islamic law is very much part of the Old Testament world where an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth is the guiding principle.

We cannot understand the Muslim world if we assume they have the same basic core western values which really are Christian values (no matter how much some try to ignore our Christian roots.) Muslims are good people, but guided by different principles. There really is a place called Chop Chop Square in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia where corporal punishments are carried out in public.

This article from the Huffington Post illustrates my point:
"Saudi Judge Considers Paralysis Punishment" -by Salah Nasrawi from huffingtonpost.com

Nothing

2010-08-27T21:06:00.002-07:00

I almost feel like I have nothing to blog about because I don't really want to talk about:

1) How Kiira's doctor called to tell us she thinks she might have Sickle Cell Anemia, so we spent last week running from lab to lab having Kiira's blood drawn 3 times... thank you very much! She was only 6 weeks old! All this just to find out that the 1st blood draw was for the test that actually told us in the end - she does NOT have Sickle Cell Anemia (big sigh of relief) just the trait. I shed a few tears that week.

2) That our No TV Week didn't turn out as nicely as I thought it would. It was truly like torture not having a single second to myself all week long, not even to take a shower. I hate to say it, but I'm grateful for TV.

On a happier note, Kiira is healthy and doing great. Every day her cheeks get bigger and she gets cuter and cuter. I just talked to her birthmom again tonight and am so grateful for an open adoption. Life really is good even with a few bumps in the road here and there.

No TV Week

2010-08-22T15:31:00.004-07:00

Today begins No TV Week in our household. The bishop in our church asked everyone in the congregation to go one week without TV or digital entertainment. This will be no easy feat with so many little ones at home, but I'm counting on their creativity to save the day. As long as it doesn't involve "painting" the playroom with my makeup, toothpaste, permanent markers or actual paint (yes, all 4 of these have happened in the last year!)

As for me, I think I will somehow get through my Stargate and Star Trek withdrawals. Kent isn't sure he'll make it without Arizona Diamondbacks baseball. But, I think in the end this will be a great time for our family to find other ways to be together. Maija and Bekah have already started working on puzzles; I've started reading a new book (see my "Books I'm Reading" list on the right side of the blog); and Kent and I have both had a couple of good naps today, which sort of segues nicely from my previous blog post. Ah, sweet slumber!

A few interesting anti-TV links (not that I'm anti-TV entirely, I have to add):

http://www.trashyourtv.com/
http://www.turnoffyourtv.com/
http://kidshealth.org/parent/positive/family/tv_affects_child.html

Daddy & Baby

2010-08-16T00:29:00.006-07:00

I had to post this cute picture of Kent and Kiira asleep on the couch. It reminded me of another sleepy picture I took when Maija was a baby.

(Click on pictures to enlarge)

Yes, Kent is wearing my pink robe. LOL!

And one more of Kent and Bekah

Now It's Bekah's Turn

2010-08-11T00:33:00.003-07:00

So, last week was Maija's first full week of kindergarten. She actually started the week before that, but anyway... On Maija's first day of school Rebekah cried and cried after Maija got out of the car. Then she told me a few times that afternoon that she missed Maija, and when is Maija coming home? These girls have been together pretty much 24/7 for the last 8 months.

Now today it was Bekah's turn to have her first day; she started preschool. It just so happens that Bekah's preschool and Maija's kindergarten do not overlap at all, which means they won't be seeing each other all day. This morning we all woke up a little earlier than normal and I got Bekah all ready for her first day at preschool. Suddenly, when it was time for Bekah to leave, Maija started crying. Then after returning home from dropping Bekah off, Maija burst into tears and cried and cried. I asked her, "What's the matter? Why are you crying?" And Maija said, "I don't know!" I think i've felt that way before :-) Finally, she admitted that she was sad that Bekah was gone.

These two girls' reactions have really surprised me. I knew they might miss each other, but I did not expect the tears and sorrow they experienced. Although I was sorry they were sad, for the most part it warmed my heart. As a mother there's nothing better than seeing your children love and serve each other. At the end of the day when Maija got home from kindergarten, Bekah yelled, "Maija!!!" And they hugged. Adorable! I hope they will always stay close.

That Was Fast

2010-08-03T20:47:00.002-07:00

We heard from our lawyer today that we got a court date to finalize Kiira's adoption!!! It's September 13th! She will be just barely over 2 months old when we can officially say that Kiira is our girl. Then that Saturday we will be sealed to her in the LDS Mesa Arizona temple.

Talk about fast! By comparison, it took us nearly 8 months to get a court date to finalize Forest's adoption. In case you're not familiar with the adoption process, it goes basically like this - at least for domestic agency adoptions -

1) Get Certified by the State to Adopt

A lot of paperwork, backgrounds checks, doctor's physicals, financial documentation, 3 letters of recommendation, education classes, in-home visits from a caseworker, very intrusive questions into your personal life, and probably a few other things I'm forgetting.

2) The Matching Game

The agency shows your profile (which you've created) to interested birth mothers and you wait for a birth mother to choose you to parent her child. If there's enough advance notice, you can often spend time getting to know each other through visits and/or phone calls.

3) Matched!

Once you're matched with a birth mother, you may or may not have to pay some of the adoption fees at this point depending on your agency. And you also wait until the baby is born, and hopefully are continuing to get to know your birth mother.

4) Birth and Placement

When the happy day comes and your baby is born, you rush to wherever you need to to be with that sweet baby and birth mother. It may be in your state or in another state, In our case both times it was out of state. So, we jumped on an airplane as fast as we could.
After a specified amount of time (each state is different - Utah is 24 hrs, Arizona is 72 hrs) the birth mother can sign the placement papers and you sign papers as well. This is when you become the official guardians of the child. This doesn't mean the baby is yours in a full legal sense, but that you are planning on being the parents. Each state has different waiting periods and requirements before finalization of the adoption can occur.

5) Finalization

This is where we are at right now. In Arizona 3 supervisory visits must take place by a social worker to make sure the baby is being taken care of and that this adoption should really happen. In some states, there's a certain waiting period, for example, in Utah it's 6 months.
Finalization happens when a judge looks at your file and determines that everything has been done correctly and appropriately. He asks you some questions about your commitment to parent the child, and he then signs the Declaration of Adoption. THIS is when you legally become the parents of the child.

In some ways it seems crazy to have to go through all of that to become a parent, especially when by comparison there are no prerequisites for someone to give birth to a child. But, there are reasons for so much oversight, and it's mainly to protect the children involved. Having become a mother both ways, by giving birth and by adoption, I can say that they are both hard and emotional and full of uncertainties. In both cases, once you hold that sweet baby in your arms, you forget all the pain, fears, work, preparations, and all you feel is the joy. And right now as I type this and have my baby Kiira sleeping in my arms, I can absolutely say it is worth all of it!

Firsts

2010-08-02T04:27:00.009-07:00

This has been a momentous week for our family. I've been wanting to blog all week but I just had to wait until we had pictures of all of our firsts -

KIIRA'S FIRST SUNDAY AT CHURCH
(I had to take pictures of her in her dress)

MAIJA'S FIRST DAY AT KINDERGARTEN
(Bekah was also ready for her first day of preschool which starts in 2 weeks)

BEKAH'S NEW BOOSTER SEAT
(I just couldn't do 2 car seats and an infant seat anymore!)

FOREST'S FIRST HAIRCUT
(Our friend, Demetrius, cut his hair and did a GREAT job! Poor Forest wasn't as happy about it as I was.)

Race

2010-07-23T17:30:00.005-07:00

In the last 17 months since we adopted Forest I have learned more about race and racism than in my 20 plus years travelling and living all over the world. What I learned growing up in various countries was that people of different races can coexist, get along and even love each other when they're all out of their element. I attended international schools which used an American school curriculum and had English as the primary language, but most of the kids who attended these schools were from all over the world, not necessarily the United States. I learned fast as a young child the importance of openness, because everyone was from such different racial and ethnic backgrounds.

In the last year and a half, I've seen a different side of race than ever before. Some experiences have been positive, some negative. Some whites are open and supportive of our blended family; some whites have been downright racist. Some African Americans are very open to our transracial family; some think it's terrible that a white couple adopted black babies. Just like anything in life, you have all kinds of opinions and degrees of openness or narrow-mindedness. And that right there is evidence that we are all just people regardless of our backgrounds or skin color. Some people are loving, supportive and open. Some people are critical, negative and judgmental. Period.

As I've seen racial tensions flare in politics and the media recently, it again brings up the issue of how we can choose to think of ourselves as different and divided or the same and united. There is more that makes us the same in our hearts than what makes us different. I always think of the scripture in 1 Samuel 16:7 -

For man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.

The Blur

2010-07-18T23:30:00.005-07:00

For any fans of Smallville, I'm not talking about Clark Kent here. I'm talking about the blur that becomes your life when you have a newborn. Time seems to become a big blog that has very little meaning and sleep is an ever elusive luxury. Yes, those first few newborn weeks are a blur. I'm in the fog right now.

When I had my first baby, I thought I had it so hard sitting around the house all day with a newborn baby constantly feeding and changing diapers. Of course, I couldn't have realized how easy things really were being able to sleep whenever the baby slept and pretty much letting time melt away into nothing. It was okay to get caught up in the blur because there was nothing to mark time other than the comings and goings of my husband.

But once you have other children who still wake up at the same early time every morning, you have to sort of pretend that you're alert enough to keep going. They still have their "I need a drink" and "I'm hungry" and "Mommy, she won't share with me". I'm not really complaining (ok, maybe a teensy bit), I'm just saying...that's the reality. Several people have asked me how I'm managing with 4 children 5 years and under. The truth is that the quantity of children isn't the problem. It's the lack of sleep and being in a blur while the rest of the family continues to live on their normal schedule.

One thing I am grateful for, which I didn't think I would be, is that Forest is still only 16 months old. It means that he still stays in his crib and sometimes takes 2 naps a day. And if a miracle happens and he is napping while Kiira is asleep....happy day! I lay down on the couch and try to get that elusive luxurious five minutes of sleep until someone else needs a drink, or food, or to tattle on a sibling. :-)

Oh, and Kiira is becoming cuter every day! I promise to post more pics soon.

We Made It Home

2010-07-10T19:42:00.003-07:00

Yesterday while Kiira and I were at lunch with her birthmother, Sh, and her 2 sons, Kent called me to say that ICPC was done, and I could bring Kiira home!!! Of course, I wanted to jump on the very next plane, but in the end I tried to jump on the last plane of the night. As soon as I got to the gate and sat down, they made an announcement, "Ladies and Gentlemen, the Atlanta airport is now closed. There is no traffic coming in or going out." Ah!!!

My first worry was that I'd end up stuck for the night at the airport or somewhere in Atlanta. I noticed a pretty bad lightening storm outside, so I hoped that maybe it was just the storm and it might pass. Thirty minutes later they reopened the airport, but by then our airplane had been rerouted to Birmingham, Alabama. In the end, there was a 3 hour delay. Yes, THREE hours in an airport late at night with a newborn baby. Not fun, but I was grateful that at least I was going home. I landed at 1am and got home around 2am, which Atlanta time is 5am. Needless to say, I slept for most of the morning.

Here are pictures of all of our kids together...all FOUR of our kids! And a few of Kiira.

Just Me and Kiira

2010-07-07T05:46:00.003-07:00

What a whirlwind of a weekend we had! Now that baby Kiira is officially ours, we get to wait for the Interstate Compact (ICPC) process. This is where the legal papers have to be processed at the state level for both the sending state (Georgia) and the receiving state (Arizona). Basically, Kiira can't leave Georgia until we get permission. The process can take anywhere from a week to 2 weeks.

This means that the rest of our children are in Arizona while we wait here. In the end, we decided that Kent should go home to take care of our crew while I stay here with Kiira to wait for ICPC. He left last night, and I can't tell you how hard it was to have him leave and know that he'll be seeing my other 3 children while Kiira and I will be here on our own. On the other hand, this will be my only chance to have one-on-one time with Kiira which will make for good bonding. I know that once I get home and have all 4 children together, there won't be much alone time with Kiira. So I'm determined to make the best of this time and enjoy some good mother-daughter bonding.

Here are some more pictures of Kiira:

Kiira Monique

2010-07-03T22:25:00.003-07:00

Here are a few pictures of our sweet baby girl, Kiira Monique. She was born July 2nd at 7:46pm at 6 lbs. 6 oz. What a blessed day!

Baby's Been Born!

2010-07-03T08:22:00.001-07:00

Baby Kiira was born early this morning. We're on our way to Georgia! Will post more after we get there.

Yea!!!!

Forest and Forest

2010-06-28T10:00:00.002-07:00

These pictures melt my heart. Is there anything sweeter?

Grandpa Forest (my dad) with baby Forest

Brother and Sisters

2010-06-25T21:55:00.003-07:00

I love these pictures because they show how much my children love to play together. The girls love it when I give them permission to go play with Forest in his room, which they know means they can get in his crib with him and read to him, tickle him and otherwise fawn over him. They are so excited to have another little sibling to baby, but I think it'll be several months before they get to climb in her crib with her :-)

The Name Game

2010-06-23T01:06:00.002-07:00

Now that we are matched, we have started the naming process. We had a boy in mind for the last several months, so we're changing gears and looking at girls' names. It reminds me a little of when I was pregnant with Bekah, and we were absolutely convinced that we were having a boy. When we got the ultrasound and the technician said, "It looks like you're having a girl." We almost didn't believe it. We were so sure we were having a boy that we had already picked out his name "Forest Jackson".

That night after praying we had an almost simultaneous outburst; we both blurted out, "What about the name 'Rebekah' from the Bible?" I looked at Kent and said, "What? Why did you think of that?" He was wondering the same thing about me. We took it as a sign and after thinking about it for a few days, we decided that her name should be Rebekah.

This time around I had picked a girl's name out when we first started this process - the name Kiira. I love the name, and I also love that it can have a Finnish spelling. In fact, Kiira Korpi is a Finnish figure skater who won the European bronze medal in 2007, so technically it's even a Finnish name. But somehow now that we are getting ready to adopt a baby girl, I'm trying to keep an open mind about names. Natalie? Natasha? Savannah? Rachel? Kiira...

We've Been Matched...Again

2010-06-18T17:45:00.004-07:00

Yesterday morning while at my friend Jennie's house I heard that familiar ring on my cell phone, "Electric Avenue" by Eddie Grant. All of our adoption agency phone numbers have been assigned the "Electric Avenue" ring, so my heart jumped when I heard it. A new birthmother, who we'll call Sh, saw our profile and liked us. She wanted to talk to us on the phone.

This morning at 8am the phone call was set to take place. The caseworker called us; I conferenced in Kent, and she conferenced in Sh. It's amazing how you can be filled with love for someone you've never met before, but that's how adoption is. Sh and I (with Kent listening on at work) had a great conversation. She talked about how she knew this angel baby of hers was meant to bless a family, and I assured her that we would love her and that our home would be filled with song, laughter and love. Turns out Sh and I both grew up in New York, her in the city and me upstate. Sh loves to sing and dance; in fact, the pictures of us singing karaoke at our wedding caught her attention she said. She also said that the fact that we already had an African American child touched her heart.

It's so hard to describe what these conversations are like with a woman who knows she is giving you a part of herself and the greatest gift any person could ever give. There is a sense of mutual love almost immediately because we know the sacrifice she's making, and she knows (and hopes) that you will love her child and provide him/her with a happy life. It's truly indescribable.

So, Sh is having a baby girl at the end of July. A girl!!! I'm excited to get out all of my baby girl things and to redecorate the nursery to make it more "girlish" as Bekah says. Actually, Bekah uses that word in the context of NOT wanting to wear something, "No! That's too girlish!" But I digress... we are excited and very happy. And, yes, we are nervous too after our previous 2 experiences, but a good friend reminded me yesterday, "Try not to be too guarded. Remember heartache is better than regret." All too true, and I've decided that I will allow myself to fall in love all over again with another baby and another birthmother knowing that whatever the Lord's will is will come to pass.

My Little Sis Gets Married

2010-06-16T06:07:00.004-07:00

Last Saturday, June 12th, my little sister got married! A wedding is always something to celebrate. But after watching Barb suffer through singlehood (I don't think that's a word) for so long and also survive the breakup of an engagement 2 years ago, my heart was so full watching her and Devin kneel across the alter in the temple. It was a beautiful day.

I only took a few pictures of Barb and Devin and of my children all dressed up.

Last Week - Pictures

2010-06-07T17:49:00.003-07:00

Here's what happened last week -

Click on picture to start slideshow

Fruit Fly Infestation

2010-06-03T23:12:00.002-07:00

My kitchen is infested with fruit flies, and I'm about to freak out that I can't get rid of these things. Have you ever sprayed Raid at fruit flies? Well, it doesn't do a dang thing to them. They fly away for a second only to come back and hover. They creep me out when the swarm hovers like that, and I'm sure if they were bigger, I'd be ready to call in the National Guard.

I'm also amazed that they won't just die. I thought if the sugar source disappeared, so would they. Not so. Somehow this growing swarm of fruit flies is a nagging reminder of all that I feel powerless to control in my daily life. it's like the never-ending chain of full laundry baskets that always fill up again immediately, no matter how much laundry I do. Or the sippy cup spills that I clean up and then seem to reappear all over the house. They just never fully go away. I think that's why it's been so important for me to have other mommy friends who remind me that I'm not alone in my vain attempts to control the uncontrollable. They help me remember that I'm also doing something more important than keeping up with chores.

President Thomas S. Monson put it perfectly:

"If you are still in the process of raising children, be aware that the tiny fingerprints that show up on almost every newly cleaned surface, the toys scattered about the house, the piles and piles of laundry to be tackled will disappear all too soon and that you will—to your surprise—miss them profoundly."

Finding Joy in the Journey, October 2008 General Conference
http://lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-947-26,00.html

I'm sure I will miss these days of being surrounded by my sweet little children.

However, when the fruit flies are gone, I will do a happy dance!

Velkommen Hjem

2010-05-31T00:45:00.004-07:00

Welcome Home! to my parents who are returning from their mission in Norway tomorrow. They spent a year in a small Norwegian town called Arendal on the east coast. The picture above is of Arendal. You can see what a quaint seaside town it is. We never did get a chance to go and visit them, but my mother was good to share lots of pictures on her blog.

Our whole family is excited to have Mummi and Grandpa back on the same continent and even in the same state for the next month. At the end of June, they'll return to their home in North Carolina, but we'll enjoy having them here until then. I'm sure my mother will return to her previous schedule of coming to Arizona every 2 months. :-) We hope.

My sister's wedding is less than 2 weeks away. I know she'll be happy to have my mother around to help with all the last minute stuff. I can hardly believe that we've already made it to June. What a crazy few months it's been. Having some family events will be a good break.

And Happy Memorial Day! Here's to the many soldiers who have lost their lives defending our country.

Counting My Blessings

2010-05-24T02:03:00.003-07:00

Despite the disappointment we're experiencing with our failed adoption, I have come to appreciate my 3 little children more than ever. I hug them a little closer and more often, and I'm stopping more to watch the crazy and adorable things they do.

These are my 3 blessings:

The Trial of Our Faith

2010-05-21T12:17:00.003-07:00

Our adoption agency has been trying to contact our birthmom, K, all week and have only gotten one text from her saying that she's thinking of parenting the baby. Since that text, K had agreed to talk on the phone to our caseworker, but then she wouldn't answer her calls. So...we're pretty sure that she has decided to keep the baby.

Of course my heart is broken. I feel like I've lost a child, but I keep reminding myself that the Lord has a plan for our family and for K and her baby. If he were supposed to be our son, he would be our son. We still know that our family is not complete and that there is a little person somewhere out there who God intends to be our child. Having faith in a plan that you can't see working out is a challenge. But I've been down this road before many times in different ways. It's so hard to understand what the plan is when you can only see one perspective.

"I would show unto the world that faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith."
- Ether 12:6

We are definitely hoping for things which are not seen...yet. And, yes, this is absolutely a trial of our faith.

Second Thoughts

2010-05-20T10:35:00.002-07:00

This has been a rough week so far. We found out that our birthmother, K, is having second thoughts about placing her baby. As I wrote before, her mother has been in the hospital with severe pneumonia. She's been in for almost 2 weeks now and is currently on a respirator, so things are not going well at all. K's mother has not been happy about the adoption from the beginning, but K was feeling fairly confident about her decision. Now that her mother's so sick, K said she feels confused and is considering her mother's wishes to keep the family together.

Needless to say, Kent and I are very sad. I feel like there's a big giant hole in my heart that just won't be filled. We've been in this process for 6 months now, and we've already been through one disappointment not being able to adopt Forest's sibling. Now to be so close to the birth of another baby that we've been waiting for, and to have it be falling apart, it is devastating. K has not made her mind up for sure, so we're saying lots of prayers and mostly hoping that what is the right thing for her, her baby, and for us is what will happen.

Waiting... and new couch

2010-05-12T11:04:00.004-07:00

Today our birthmom, K, is 35 weeks along in her pregnancy. I am SO grateful that she's endured all her difficulties and discomforts and gotten to this point. Joseph will most likely be healthy and strong now that he's gotten this far and hopefully even further along. We missed our weekly phone call with K because she had to take her mother to the ER. We've been hearing updates through our caseworker, but I can only imagine the stress she must be under right now.

On our end, we're also experiencing stress not knowing when or how things will happen and worrying about K. I am so ready to start life with our new baby and to have our family be complete. We've been living in limbo for 6 months now, and it is only getting harder. Every time there is something that needs to be scheduled, there's this nagging voice in your head, "Why schedule anything? You might not even be here." Although I am glad that we have scheduled things and tried to live normal life because we never thought we'd get to mid-May and still be waiting.

One of the things we decided not to put off was buying a new sectional sofa. Our yellow couches were beautiful once upon a time, but after being in an apartment of singles with cats and dogs and then enduring the abuse of children after I got married, they are threadbare. My parents were kind enough to offer to help us get new couches as long as they could count it for my birthday, both our Christmas presents, and Kent's birthday next year. :-) We were happy to forego future gifts to get a beautiful sectional.

Here are pics:

Because of My Brain

2010-05-05T22:42:00.003-07:00

I have to post the funny things my kids say or I'll forget them. Here's a good one from tonight.

Maija: Yeah, our dog Remy is 9 years old.

Me: How do you remember that?
(I didn't even remember that. Took me a sec to figure out that she was right.)

Maija: Because of my brain.

Enough said.

2010-05-04T00:50:00.004-07:00

"Even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting for the adoption"

- Romans 8:23

Ronald Reagan on Adoption

2010-05-01T09:19:00.003-07:00

I was reading an adoptive family's blog about their adoption journey, and I happened on this YouTube video (actually it's audio with a picture) of a 1975 radio broadcast by Ronald Reagan. Apparently, he did a weekly radio show at the time. Here is his very moving explanation of adoption versus abortion:

BTW, Ronald Reagan was himself an adoptive parent.

Baby Baby

2010-04-29T14:25:00.002-07:00

We had our weekly phone call today with our birthmom, K, and she seemed to be in much better spirits than the last time we talked. We had a few good laughs about how terrible it is to stay in the hospital and how awful hospital food is. Anyone who has stayed in the hospital for more than a couple days knows what I'm talking about, especially if they put you on any dietary restrictions.

When I was pregnant with Maija and in the hospital for a week, I had gestational diabetes (on top of everything else) so they put me on a diabetic diet. It was awful!!! After a few days I reached my limit when they wouldn't give me milk! Apparently it wasn't allowed (at that hospital) for diabetics, and I just about freaked out one morning and cried to Kent, "All I want is milk! That's all I want!!!" He snuck me some. Such a loving hubby :-) Apparently, K had the same experience with butter. Since she has gall stones, they were restricting her fat intake and wouldn't allow her to eat any margarine or butter. She said she was begging the nurses for butter when they brought her a baked potato with no butter or sour cream.

On a more serious note, the doctors are now trying to get her to 37 weeks. This would be great for Joseph, but I hope K can handle all of this that long. She said to me, "I'm keeping him real safe for you. You better take good care of him." She also said that she had a 3D ultrasound yesterday and got great pictures of his face which she's going to put in the mail for us. I can't wait to see them. K told me, "They're gonna make you cry, Kim." I know they will.

So, better news this week, and we hope her body will hang in there as long as possible, as well as her state of mind. What a trooper she is and a strong woman. We're so grateful to her for all she's enduring for her son and consequently for us too.

Preeclampsia - Hated It!

2010-04-24T16:26:00.005-07:00

We continue to wait for baby Joseph to be born, which for his sake we hope comes later, but for his birthmother's sake we hope comes soon. She is at her wits' end having just been in the hospital AGAIN, this time for gall stones. So she has preeclampsia which is causing partial vision loss, enlargement of the left side of her heart, swelling, high blood pressure, pain and now they just found gall stones. When we talked to her on Thursday she had had it.

My heart goes out to her because I've been there - preeclampsia, appendicitis, gestational diabetes, HELLP syndrome, vision loss, organ failure, swelling, etc. All of that in one pregnancy, and I really did think I would lose my mind. The difference, of course, is that I had a very supportive husband and I wasn't facing the prospect of placing my baby for adoption. K is also facing opposition from her own mother about placing the baby, although she kept saying, "I know I can't raise this baby. I know he's supposed to be born to bless your family." She needs lots of prayers right now, so if you're a praying person, please say a few for her.

On our end, other than worrying about her and the baby, I've also been preparing the nursery for baby Joseph. Kent and I spent last Saturday painting our changing table/dresser and putting together the new crib. I plan on putting some vinyl lettering above the crib with his name "Joseph" and some pictures of sun, moon and stars. I'm also going to put up pictures of Joseph once he's born. Here's what it looks like now:

What Will They Say Next?

2010-04-15T23:22:00.003-07:00

A couple of funny conversations with my children:

1st Conversation with Maija

Maija: Mommy, Robin Hood is the best person who ever lived on Earth.

Me: Actually, the best person to ever live on the earth was Jesus, and the prophets were very good too.

Maija: Yeah, Heavenly Father and Jesus were the best, then the prophets, then Robin Hood.

2nd Conversation with Bekah

Me: Bekah, don't be rude.

Bekah: I want to be rude!!!

Me: Then you're gonna go be rude in your room.

Bekah: OK!!! - as she storms off to her room.

Bekah singing in her room: I want to be rude in my room. I like to be rude in my room...

Ultrasound Pics of Baby Joseph

2010-04-11T20:17:00.006-07:00

*Drum roll*... here are the first pictures ever taken of our soon-to-be baby boy, Joseph. His birthmother, K, sent them to us. It meant so much to us that she would send these, and it was so amazing to see that little face before he's even born. I cried when I first saw them.

Disclaimer: For those of you not familiar with ultrasounds, I know they are hard to see and don't look like much of anything at all, but to us parents they are beautiful!

Joseph's face - you can see his right arm at top of picture resting on his face

Sucking his thumb - this one's harder to make out but you can sort of see him sucking on his right thumb

There's No Such Thing As Monsters

2010-04-07T04:48:00.003-07:00

I read the article, "The Monster-Victim Mix-Up: Anyone who thinks monsters are just 'misunderstood' has misunderstood monsters" by Jonah Goldberg, and almost yelled out, "Thank you!!!!" Thank you for saying what I've thought many times while watching cartoon after cartoon with my children. Not all bad guys are just nice guys who are misunderstood. In fact, some bad guys actually want to be bad. That's the plain truth.

There are people in this world whose greatest desire is to be good and do right. There are people in this world who are just sort of doing their best but make terrible choices because of their upbringing or circumstances. But there are some people in this world who really do want to be and do evil.

No matter how much we try to blame people's behavior on biology or circumstances, there is no denying that two people can be raised in appalling conditions and yet choose completely different paths. Some will do everything in their power to overcome, triumph and change their circumstances and behavior. Some will allow their suffering to harden them and to continue destructive patterns and behavior. We really DO have the freedom to choose.

Maybe that's what bothers me so much about the stories and movies that teach my children that there really isn't such a thing as evil, so nobody can choose evil. They're just made to do evil because of their circumstances, and if we only understood that, we could convince them to change their evil ways.

As a mother, I feel that one of my responsibilities is to teach my children to be wise. I want my children to be aware of danger and to avoid it at all costs. But how can you expect your children to avoid danger if they believe it doesn't exist? If a monster is really just misunderstood and doesn't mean to be a monster, why should we avoid him? Let's embrace him, put our arms around him, and allow him to do his will with us. I don't think so! No matter how much we wish we didn't, we do live in a dangerous world. As a parent, I have no problem explaining to my children that the world is dangerous but there are ways to stay safe and avoid the monsters who unfortunately do inhabit this world with the rest of us.

I Feel The Earth Move

2010-04-04T23:57:00.002-07:00

That's not just a Carole King song. As Kent and I were sitting in the family room enjoying the quiet while our kids played outside, I looked over at our fish tank and saw the water sloshing around. I thought, "How could that happen?" I said to Kent, "What's going on with the fish tank?" and before he could answer I felt the couch moving around. It took me a few seconds to realize it was an earthquake. The swaying stopped before we could even call to our children who were all fine.

We turned on our TV assuming we'd see all kinds of reporting about the quake, but not a single channel was broadcasting anything about it. So, next place to go was the internet. Kent found out it was a 6.9 (now reported to be a 7.2) magnitude earthquake that hit Baja California just south of the border. To read more about it, you can go here.

Since Arizona has basically no weather other than hot and hotter, this was a big event for us. :-) Glad we don't live in California.

More Good News...

2010-04-02T19:52:00.004-07:00

Part II from yesterday, April 1st -

My sister, Barbara, got engaged last night! We are SO happy for her. She's waited a long time and endured her share of heartbreaks, but now she's finally found a great guy who loves her and who she loves. Yea!

As it turns out, April Fools Day 2010 was a momentous one for our family. No kidding.

Good News!

2010-04-01T23:41:00.000-07:00

This is no April Fools joke. We were matched today to a sweet birthmother and her baby boy. It was an exciting morning for us. A good friend of mine took the kids, and Kent stayed home from work, so we could be on a conference call with a birthmother who was interested in us. We called in and had the best conversation with her. She was so sweet and kept saying, "Get ready Kim! You're going to have a house full of little children."

I can't describe the joy when she told us how happy she was to find a family for her baby. Then she asked us, "Now it's a boy. Is that OK?" I thought Kent was going to jump out of his seat when he said, "Yes!!!" He really wanted a boy. So, now we'll have 2 girls and 2 boys. Amazing. It was a long road getting to this day, but the joy and peace we feel really does overshadow the trials we went through to get here.

The birthmother (I'll just call her 'K' to protect her identity), K, is 29 weeks pregnant and has started getting preeclampsia. She and I had a lot in common that way. She's had preeclampsia twice before with her previous 2 children so she and I have been down the same road with that. She's hoping to get to 36 weeks this time which would put it some time in May. We're praying for her health and for the baby's.

We hope to be able to continue to communicate with K and have an open relationship with her in the future too. I think it would be so good for both of our boys to know where they come from and have relationships with their birthmothers. I don't know if that's going to happen for Forest, although we keep hoping. But it looks like that may happen for baby Joseph Kent... that's the name we've picked.

Happy day!

Removing an Object from Your Nose - $50

2010-03-30T00:47:00.003-07:00

Sticking a bead up your nose - $0
Removing it at urgent care - $50
Blogging about it 2 days later - Priceless

As if we hadn't had enough doctor's visits lately, Saturday night as I was reveling in our health, Rebekah decided to put a bead up her nose. Who knows why children feel the compulsion to put objects up their noses? But for some reason that bead just looked like it belonged up her nose (or something) so up it went, and the more she tried to get it out, the further up it went.

Kent was actually in the family room with the kids when this happened (not that I'm blaming him, although it is interesting that it didn't happen when Mom was on duty) and he came running in our bedroom with Rebekah, turning lights on, and telling me to get this object out of her nose. At this point we didn't know what it was she had put up there. The more I tried to get it, you guessed it, the more it got stuck. It ended up sideways behind the septum completely irretrievable. Which of course led to the urgent care visit where they inflated a balloon behind her septum and popped out a little black bead.

Who was it that was telling me that one day I'll look back and wish I could relive all this?

Science Fiction

2010-03-25T23:40:00.002-07:00

For some reason since we cancelled our cable TV last summer I have become obsessed with Science Fiction. I think it's because that was the one thing I missed the most was my Star Trek fix. I also missed watching Star Wars: The Clone Wars. I've already been mocked for my love of these shows, but oddly enough being without them has led me to a new SciFi love, Stargate.

Although we dropped cable, we kept our TiVo (seriously, that would be one of the last things to go) so I was able to search all the antenna channels for anything Science Fiction. I did find original Star Trek episodes that I could TiVo on Sundays and watch during the week, but they were taken off the air within a month. So I searched and found Stargate Atlantis which also showed on Sundays. At first I wasn't sure if I liked it, but I quickly became addicted. I mean, those Wraith are weird and creepy but in an addictive way.

Then I discovered that Stargate SG1 was also on on Sundays. I was beginning to notice a pattern here. In addition to missing my SciFi, I also missed watching news coverage that wasn't madly in love with the government (ok, the current government) but found that Chris Wallace's Fox News Sunday was on on....Sundays. And then I found The McLaughlin Group which also aired on...you guessed it...Sundays. As well as Globe Trekker and 60 Minutes. Weird.

So basically my whole entertainment life revolves around how much I can TiVo on Sundays and then try to stretch my viewing out through the week. Of course, I never did really get over Star Trek, so I had to keep our Netflix account so I could keep those coming via DVD.

Are we saving money? That's debatable.

2010-03-19T00:24:00.001-07:00

So we just arrive in Pinetop and as Kent goes out to the car Bekah says, 'I like Daddy. He's a good person.' How sweet is that?