Single Parents

Although I do not think that single parenthood is the ideal for either the parent or the child, I admire single parents who do their best and keep moving forward. Before I was a mother, I never could have imagined the amount of work and sacrifice required to raise children. I had heard others tell me of their challenges and had even seen some difficult situations, but as with anything else, you never know what it is like to go through something, until you have gone through it yourself.

I think this must be true with being a single parent. Since I haven't ever been a single mother myself, I will not presume to understand what it is like, but every time my husband goes out of town on business, I have a newfound respect for those parents who go it alone all the time. In the interest of full disclosure, I must add that I am extremely lucky to have a supportive and involved husband, who does quite a bit of his own sacrificing for our girls, and for me. I realize that in many ways I am spoiled, but I realize it even more when he's not around.

So, I'm already preparing myself mentally for next week, when I will be doing it solo. Luckily, Kent doesn't travel a lot, but the few times he is gone make me realize how amazing my own mother was. She wasn't a single mother either, but my father travelled a lot. He was gone about 2 weeks out of every month, and it was usually to another country halfway around the globe. Not only did my mother have to deal with us, but she also dealt with broken water heaters, flat tires, and a host of other repairs by herself. I can only imagine how many nights she felt alone and didn't know if she could go on. But for her there was relief in sight, knowing my father would return. I can't imagine how much more a single mother would feel the loneliness, not to mention the sheer exhaustion.

We all have our cross to bear, I suppose. However, now and then I get a glimpse of what someone else's cross might be like, and it is a good exercise in empathy.

The Texas Debacle

I just can't take it anymore! I keep seeing stories on television or reading the latest about the FLDS raid in Texas, and all I can think is, "Why are the children being punished?" If you truly believe that these children have been abused, why aren't the alleged abusers the ones sitting in a coliseum and sleeping on cots? This absolutely galls me and breaks my heart. As a mother, I can't help but think about how my innocent little girls' hearts would break to be taken from all they know and from their mommy. Why aren't the men the ones in custody?

I've heard many "experts" on various TV networks saying that Texas CPS did the right thing, and these children need to be "deprogrammed". And the government is going to do this? Ha! Even Carolyn Jessop, who escaped from the FLDS community in Colorado City, Arizona had one of her children later return to the group of her own volition. If a mother, who experienced the nightmare firsthand, could not "deprogram" her own child, then there is about zero chance these children will "see the light" and want to live in the outside world. This whole experience will only serve to reinforce everything they have been taught about people outside of their compound.

The other issue I have with this whole fiasco is the general arrogance portrayed by just about everyone. Apparently, our society on the outside world has no abuse, no sexual perversion, no teenage mothers...no, it's fine that we are placing children in same-sex households, that pornography has been completely normalized and pervades our culture, but it's THEY who are weird, perverse, and need to be "educated". I am not saying that I agree with how the FLDS culture works, but we should at least consider for a moment that they are not the only group in the world still practicing polygamy. Much of the Islamic world condones and practices polygamy. We may not agree with it, but we ought to respect their freedom to practice their religion.

Mike Watkiss from Phoenix's Channel 3 put it well when he said that it's not about polygamy itself, it's about underage girls forced into marriage with much older men. I absolutely agree that something should be done to protect these girls, so take the men and subject them to questioning, DNA testing, medical exams and the like. The children should NOT be made to suffer because of what we suspect their parents may be doing. It is truly frightening that 400 plus children can be dragged from their homes and made to live out one of their biggest fears; these children have been taught that the evil outsiders want to take them away and hurt them. And that is exactly what has happened.

See Fox's Judge Andrew Napolitano with his "verdict" on this issue - HERE

Thoughts About Motherhood

OK, so here is the thought provoking post about one of my "keys to happiness." I love being a mother! I have had my share of trials becoming a mother. I had trouble finding the father, first of all, and then once we found each other and married, getting the children here was no easy task. I won't bore you with the long version, but I will sum up by saying that I had 5 surgeries in 3 years (including my 2 c-sections) and ended up with HELLP syndrome (HERE is a good description of what that is) with my 1st baby and preeclampsia with my second.

Of course, even with "normal" deliveries, having a baby is no easy task. Then, once they're here, your world is changed forever and that can be really overwhelming. There are definitely days when I feel like I'm ready to go hide under a rock somewhere, or in my bathroom, or in my bed... But there are so many other times when I am grateful to have these two beautiful children who are bright, fun, innocent people. Do they know the sacrifices I am making for them? No. They may never know until they have their own children, but that isn't the point. It's not about acknowledgment or recognition. It's about having my three-year-old tell me, "Mommy, I'm so proud of you for going on the potty!" after watching me pee, or hearing my one-year-old point and ask, "What's dat?" about EVERYTHING!

Whoever these girls become has a lot to do with what I am doing now. Their impressions of the world and how they fit into it will be based to a large extent on how I treat them, and how they feel growing up in our home. It is true that I have known people who came from extremely difficult backgrounds rise above their childhood and become productive, happy adults. But, my hope is that my children will at least know that no matter what happens, I love them and will always be there.

So, what has made me think about this on this Monday morning? Mostly the fact that when I woke up today and heard my baby yelling, "Mama!" from her crib, I knew that she meant me. I am a mama; I am her mama, and nobody can replace me or do what I do for her. There are many who could take care of her and be there for her, but I will always be her mother. Is it overwhelming? Yes. Is it challenging? Yes. Is it worth it? Absolutely!

Who wouldn't fall in love with these 2 faces?

I've Been Tagged

Although I do have a few things to blog about, in the interest of sleep I will humor my friend, Arianne, and play Blogger Tag.

5 Things Meme

What I was doing ten years ago...

1. Getting ready to move to Korea
2. Still single and not dating anyone
3. Answering questions like, "How can you move to Korea? Don't you ever want to get married?" (BTW, my now-husband was about to marry someone else and was not available at the time anyway.)
4. Teaching high school Spanish
5. Living in Utah

Five things on my to-do list today...

1. Go to church (Check)
2. Take a nap (Check)
3. Hang out with family (Check)
4. Plan out the week with my hubby (Check)
5. Check e-mails (Check)
Pretty productive day as far as I can tell :-)

Five snacks I enjoy...

1. Chocolate with almonds
2. Chocolate cake
3. Chocolate ice cream
4. Hot chocolate
5. Chocolate con churros

Five things I would do if I was a billionaire...

1. Buy a house
2. Buy a new wardrobe
3. Travel
4. Pay back my student loans
5. Give money to children's charities

Five of my bad habits....

1. Eating chocolate
2. Staying up too late blogging and checking e-mails
3. Monk (if you know what I'm talking about, you'll understand)
4. Worrying
5. Letting Maija watch another episode of Diego, so I can have a minute to myself

Five places I have lived....

1. Madrid, Spain (twice)
2. Provo, Utah (three times)
3. Schenectady, NY (twice)
4. Hong Kong
5. Quebec, Canada

Five jobs I've had....

1. Pizza Hut server, dishwasher, hostess, cook
2. Cashier at a mini-mart in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia
3. BYU Bookstore help desk
4. Utah County Prenatal Program for mothers with substance abuse issues
5. The hardest job of all ..... mother!

The Key to Happiness

Let me say right now that if you think this is going to be a deep, pensive post about how one can find true happiness, you might as well stop reading right now.   This week the KEY to my happiness is that I found my keys!!!   I know, it's a corny play on words, but anyway....

After a morning visit at Grandma's house, I was loading up the girls and decided to stow one of the stowable seats in our minivan.    My mother-in-law was helping me get everyone strapped in and settled, and I walked around to the driver's side.  I looked down on the driver's seat and saw.....MY LOST KEYS!!!!    My mother-in-law found them on the floor of the van right where the stowed seat had been.   I was so relieved and a little frustrated that I had already spent the fifty bucks to replace our mail key.   At least I hadn't gotten to replacing the keyless entry remote yet... Whew!!!   

Oddly enough, in response to a posted comment (see it  HERE), I told a story about Maija claiming the lost keys were in "the car."   In the end, they really were in the car, and, yes, Maija, I am a "silly Mommy."

Here is a cute picture of Sleeping Beauty Maija.  She fell asleep in one of her princess outfits.

 

Losing Things...Including My Mind!

There is nothing worse than losing your keys.  OK, maybe there is something worse than that, but humor me!   About a week ago, my key ring went missing.  Actually, it is only part of my key ring.  I usually have the key ring with my car keys on it, and a separate one with one of those "handy" detachable clips, so I can multitask.  The detachable ring had my keyless entry remote for my car, my house keys, my sister's house key, and our only mail key.  

After days of waiting for the key ring to suddenly appear, Kent and I started searching in earnest for the keys.  We turned our couches inside out to no avail;  it's amazing and disgusting what actually gets trapped inside the crevasses of our couches.   We searched the cars, the diaper bag, my purse, our pants pockets, and anything else we could think of.   Nothing!   I was getting more and more frustrated knowing the mail was piling up in our mailbox that we couldn't get to (not to mention our Netflix movie that was waiting to be watched!)   But we still held out hope that they keys would appear.

On the fifth day, that would be yesterday, I started calling around to find out how much it was going to cost to replace everything.  The post office said that our boxes were actually "builder" boxes, which means the HOA handles it.  The HOA said we had to call a contracted company.  The contracted company said it would cost $63, and we would have to wait a WEEK before they could come.  What?!?!    And this is just for the mail key.  Forget the keyless entry to my car, which I haven't even started trying to deal with yet.   Kent suggested we search again before spending the money to replace everything.  

One more fruitless search, and I finally decided to put our mail on hold at the post office and start the process of replacing the mail key.  I called the post office, and a very nice postal worker told me that she could give the number of an independent locksmith who could do it for $40 and would get it replaced within 24 hours.   So, after all of the searching, phone calls, and frustration, the independent locksmith came 2 hours after I called him this morning, replaced the lock, gave us 3 mail keys, and charged us $50 instead of the $40 suggested by the postal lady.   But, it is replaced!!!  

Now to replace house keys and the keyless entry remote.   

My April Fool's Plans

Although in my world it is still Monday night (3/31), in the real world it is well after midnight, which means it's really April Fools' Day!   I've been thinking about what kind of joke to play on my husband.  I'm fairly confident (I'd say 99.9% sure) that he won't read this blog before I can play a joke on him, so...what to do?  

My first thought was to call him at work and tell him that there had been some kind of clerical error, and we owe $2000 to some financial institution or another.  But then that might be too mean, since I'm pretty sure he'd freak out about that.   I could make up some story about having to leave town for a week to take care of an ailing relative, and that I'd have to leave the girls with him.  :)  *grin*   That's a good one.  Hmmm....   I'll have to keep thinking.

April Fools Part II - What Happened?

(Posted after the fact) 

I finally decided to give my husband a real scare.   I called him at work and told him that the Stake Executive Secretary had called and said that the Stake Presidency wanted to meet with us before the end of the week.   For those who aren't sure what that means, a stake presidency is a council of 3 men who oversees several church congregations.  If they call, it usually means they are asking you to do something big, like be in charge of something.   Kent was definitely a little freaked out (*grin*) and I let him stew about it for most of the day.  Finally, at the end of the day, I told him that it was an April Fools joke.  He was slightly amused, but I thought it was pretty funny myself.   

She's In!

We got an e-mail today from the preschool I was hoping to get Maija into. There is a spot open, so...yea!!!...Maija will for sure be going to preschool in the fall. I think I've even got summer lined up. Am I a soccer mom in training or what?

I've been teaching a little Spanish preschool class for about a month now, and I have to say that I am loving teaching again. There is something so fulfilling about seeing the lights come on, especially when they are so young and are absorbing the world around them. Many linguists believe that there is a critical period for acquiring language, which pretty much ends at puberty, and is at its height in the preschool years. You can see it with these little girls. They are taking so much in and are learning faster than my high school kids ever did.

Maija is in the Spanish class, so between my speaking to her occasionally, watching Dora, and her Spanish class, she is actually picking things up. The other night after tucking her in bed, I was headed out of her room, when she yelled to me, "Mommy! ¡Espera!" which means "Wait!" That made my day! Spontaneous Español. Now I'll have to start working on Rebekah too.

The Preschool Push

One of the "joys" of living on the outer-outskirts of town is that there just aren't enough businesses, stores, or services around. The latest dilemma has been figuring out preschool for Maija. She is starting to go stir crazy at home (making 2 of us) and is asking all the time, "Where's my school?" as we drive past our neighborhood elementary. I kept telling her that she couldn't go to school until she could go peepies on the potty.

Well, now she goes peepies on the potty (most of the time,) and she now says as we pass the elementary school, "I get to go to MY school because I go on the potty." Sigh. Now I have to do that following through part. I started by asking some of the young moms at church about local preschools, and they had great things to say about their children's schools. But, as I soon found out, getting INTO one of these schools would be no easy task.

Believe it or not, to get in for this fall it's pretty much too late already. Luckily, I started contacting preschools and submitting forms before everything filled up, but as it is, we are still on waiting lists. Is that crazy, or what? These kids are not even kindergarten age, and you have to "tour" the preschools, submit forms, pay deposits, and sit on waiting lists to get into the local homegrown preschools - these aren't fancy pre-Ivy League schools. We're talking about your average at-home operations.

The good news is that one of the home-based preschools in our neighborhood says that Maija is as good as in since we are at the top of the waiting list. The sad news is that I NEVER thought I'd be the kind of mother who would be clamoring to get my 3 year-old into preschool, waiting lists and all. Of course, I also had no idea before having a 3 year-old how ready I would be to get 2 hours twice a week with only 1 child at home.

I'm guessing that 30 years ago (OK, fine, 33 years ago) when I was 3 years old things weren't like this. Disposable diapers didn't exist, car seats as we know them didn't exist, and 3 year old children didn't go to Little Gym classes and sit on waiting lists for preschool. I'm not sure what is better, but I will say that those once-a-week tumbling classes sure do save my sanity. I'm already figuring out what we can do during the summer to keep all of us from climbing the walls in our air-conditioned home. I love the desert, but summers can be brutal!

Wish us luck with our preschool odyssey!

Flew Past January, Sliding Through February, and Onto March...

Before I give my 4 big excuses for not having posted in ages, I have to thank those friends who actually check my blog often enough to notice that it is outdated. Seriously, I didn't realize anyone cared....shows ya how much I still have to learn about the blogosphere (yes, I had to look up how to spell that word.)

So here are the BIG 4 reasons why I've been too busy to blog...or too tired....or ....

BIG REASON #1 - Our Trip to Utah

We had been planning for a couple of months to take a trip up to Utah in early January. I had meticulously prepared every detail, Pricelining hotels, rental cars, and using airline miles for airline tickets etc. What do they say about the best laid plans? Well, two days before our flight was to leave, both Maija and Rebekah got fevers. We immediately got them to the doctor's office, so we could make sure they got healthy ASAP. Nice try!!! Rebekah had a double ear infection, and Maija had strep. Both girls went on antibiotics, and the doc suggested we get Rebekah rechecked the night before our flight.

Thursday evening we took Rebekah to the pediatrician, and she said her ears hadn't gotten any better and that she strongly recommended we not take her on an airplane!!! Sigh! She said that both girls were fine to travel, just not on an airplane. We called the airline, the car rental places, the hotels, and luckily, we got SOME of our money refunded. But the real question was whether to try to drive up to Utah or let it go. We finally opted to drive and faced another interesting challenge, snow, LOTS of it! After a grueling drive, we made it to Utah, and proceeded to visit as many people as possible. You can see pics here.

BIG REASON #2 - The Girls' Birthdays

Maija and Rebekah's birthdays are 6 days apart, so I decided to do one party for both girls and have it be a mostly family affair. With 12 cousins on their daddy's side of the family, seven of them under the age of 5, we figured that would be enough chaos and fun for all of us! Although it was Rebekah's first birthday, I knew that Maija would care a lot more about it, so I opted to go with a SuperWhy theme....her absolute FAVORITE cartoon in the whole world. The problem is that the cartoon is new enough that there are ZERO SuperWhy products out there: no dolls, no party items, no posters, nothing. Here's where I prove my dedication as a mother - I made SuperWhy balloons, plates, cups, and a tablecloth all by myself the night before the party....OK, not ALL by myself, Kent did help a lot. But, as he put it, I would never have done this for the girls, if you weren't doing it. That's why I'm the mommy. The party was great! You can see pics here.

BIG REASON #3 - Spain Trip

That's right! Kent and I went to Spain. It was an amazing trip. Not only were we on our own without the girls, but we had such a great time seeing beautiful Spain. I played tour guide, having lived in Madrid as a little girl and again in my early 20s as a missionary. We saw some of the most amazing castles, cities, cathedrals, and I had a lot of fun using my Spanish again. We rented a car right at the airport in Madrid on Friday morning (we arrived at 9am) and then drove straight to my old house in the town of Pozuelo, outside of Madrid. I had visited the house during my mission, and again right after my mission, but that was 14 years ago. Not much had changed in 14 years, but it felt like home being back in that neighborhood.

I've realized that my home is really a combinations of many places and houses, since I moved around so much growing up. To be able to go back and see the places where I lived, gives me a sense of being at home. I don't know if that's what people feel, who grew up in one house, when they visit home...maybe I'll never completely know that feeling, but to me home is more like a puzzle that is made up of many pieces. When it's all put together, I feel at home.

After our stop in Pozuelo, we drove down to the old city of Toledo. We spent the night there and had a great time seeing the city's cathedral and also being there during Spanish "carnaval". We had churros con chocolate (SO yummy) and strolled around like honeymooners, holding hands and reveling in our independence. The next day we drove to the east coast to the timeshare we had reserved, stopping at some amazing sites along the way.

Unfortunately, the timeshare was the biggest downer of our trip. It didn't have any heating, which made it VERY cold, since it is Winter there. There was also virtually no hot water to shower, so we suffered through one night and freezing cold showers, and then decided that even though it would be a lot more expensive, we had to get out of there. We took off within the first few hours, and drove up to Barcelona where we spent 2 days. I won't describe all of Barcelona because you can see the pics here.

After Barcelona, we drove back to central Spain to the city of Segovia. Again, see the pics to get an idea of what we saw in Segovia: the Roman aqueduct, the Alcazar castle, our amazing hotel, and the city itself. Our last night we spent in Madrid, where we enjoyed a Flamenco show. The next morning (1 week after arriving in Spain) we got on a plane and flew back to normal life. It was SO great to see the girls again; I had been missing them a lot. I think the saddest part of coming home was calculating exactly how much money we had spent there, but how often do you get to go to Spain? *grin* It was worth every dollar (or euro!)

BIG REASON #4 - Kent's Birthday

Because Kent is a Valentine baby, we always separate celebrating Valentine's Day from celebrating his birthday. This year Kent requested a karaoke birthday party, so we sang away the evening (see pics here --> ). We also bored everyone with our Spain slideshow, but we sure had fun!!!!

NOW YOU'RE UPDATED! There is, of course, more to tell, but that'll have to wait until another day...