Why I Have to Keep Blogging

I've taken a serious break from blogging mostly because I was feeling too overwhelmed by my everyday life. In that time, we got licensed to do foster care and had our first placement, a 5-day-old baby boy who became (in my heart, at least) my baby.  He spent 9 months with us until July of this year when he was returned to his mom and dad.

To say that the last year has been an emotional rollercoaster is a gross understatement.  My heart has grown, been twisted, torn and expanded in ways I never expected. I didn't expect to fall so helplessly in love. I didn't expect his birth parents to get it together. I didn't expect that a mere 2 months after our foster baby went home, we would be blessed with a gorgeous 21 month-old boy who we will be adopting!!!  

Nothing about the past year has gone how I thought it would. But, I am so grateful for the bumpy windy road we have travelled.  Two months ago, I was not grateful. I was heartbroken. Isn't that just how life is? When things seem darkest, the light comes bursting in.  Sometimes it happens quickly and unexpectedly. Other times, the light comes slowly, so slowly that you feel like the darkness will never end.  

Now, I have 5 children and one who comes to stay on the weekends.  It turns out that just because our foster baby's case ended, hasn't meant our relationship with him or his parents is over.  We get to continue to help our sweet baby boy and be a support to the whole family.  What could be better than seeing the results of putting my heart on the line to love a child who would not be mine?  What could be better than having another little boy come to our family who brought the light with him that dispelled the darkness of our grief?  Now, I understand that there was a plan all along.  I just needed to wait for the light to shine again so I could see it.