Note: I need to make a few comments before posting this. I actually wrote this 6 months ago but never posted it because i thought maybe it was too harsh. But after hearing about other people's experiences recently, I thought it might be time to just put it out there. Although I'm writing about race issues, I think this applies to SO many other circumstances as well.
I have been avoiding blogging about racial discrimination and plain old ignorance that I've been experiencing lately vis-a-vis my children. But without being specific, because even I am not mean enough to out others who have been ignorant, I'm just going to give some advice to these unnamed people -- keep it to yourself!
If you think it's terrible that my husband and I adopted black children because we're robbing them of their culture, keep it to yourself. If you think that my children aren't my "real" children because they're not the same race as me and my husband, keep it to yourself. If you think that my children will suffer being in a white family, keep it to yourself. And please, please, please most of all, if you absolutely have to say something, say it to me and not to my children who are beginning to understand that the world is not always a friendly place.
I'm not asking for more civility. I'm asking for more silence. I'm asking for a little forethought before blurting out your opinion of my children and our family. I don't go around telling people that their children are cursed or robbed of their culture or not the right color or that they look like animals (yes, this was actually said to me!) In fact, I think we should all, myself included, try to only say nice things about each other's children and families. Because in the end, I know that my black children were meant to be mine just as much as my white children were. God planned it from the beginning, and He does not make mistakes. We humans do make lots of mistakes though, and I know that I'm not perfect by any measure. I think I'm just tired of defending what I know is a beautiful thing and meant to be.
Finally, if you're reading this because you're a friend of mine, and you're wondering if you've ever said anything to offend me, chances are that you haven't. In fact, almost every one of the comments listed above came from strangers or distant acquaintances. Most people have been loving and supportive and kind. Most of my loved ones and friends have given my children, all of my children, lots of hugs and kisses and acceptance. But unfortunately the negative comments often overshadow the good, so seriously people...just keep it to yourself!